Never Look Back!

Hi all!

I would first like to start off by apologizing for my failure to keep up with my commitment to write daily. I will try to do better.

Nonetheless, God has continued to do great things! As this year comes to a close, I can't help but recap the events that have occurred in 2013. This has brought some good and not so good thoughts about. There has definitely been some major changes in my life this year, some of my own volition and some not.

So let's recap: I began the new year celebrating at church with my, then, boyfriend and his amazing 9 years old son. On April 4th, my boyfriend of 2 years asked me to marry him! I was elated despite some small reservations that I was more than willing to overlook due to love. On May 5th, I discovered my fiancé had gotten a woman, whom he had been seeing in his work office for the past few years behind my back and lying to my face every day of our relationship, pregnant. I ended the engagement and relationship overall. I spent my summer hurting from the disappointment, betrayal and utter embarrassment. I cried out to God and gave Him my broken heart. I shared my experiences through my healing process in my blog posts and I have been blessed by the great impact my testimony and sharing has had on other people's lives and situations. I truly am honored to be the vessel God has chosen to help so many others. The pain drove me straight into His arms, where I found safety, true love, acceptance, comfort and so much more. I truly believe that God loves me too much to ever allow me to be a part of something that will cause me nothing but misery and strife. I also believe with all my heart that I am His baby and that vengeance belongs to Him. I feel sorry for the wrongdoers and those who failed to see God's hand on my life and decided to treat me carelessly. All I can do is pray that God has mercy on them.

As my hurt subsided and I began to really see the blessing in the situation, God brought someone into my life who has begun to show me what it really means to love, honor and cherish a precious woman of God. I have never felt so treasured and adored. Still, taking things slow and keeping everything before God, I am enjoying the love that I have been receiving and I am grateful that my heart was not hardened due to the foolishness of the previous guy who was blind to what God placed in front of Him.

Side note: There is nothing wrong with knowing your worth and being confident in it. Don't let anyone make you feel bad about who you are, who God created you to be, and the standards you hold! You were fearfully and WONDERFULLY made! Walk in your TRUE identity and if a person cannot accept that, then you don't need that person. Be YOU!

The way I deal with my painful life situations is through worship to God. It's the way I get out all of my tears and frustrations. I honor the Lord for His hand on my life and I know He has great plans for me. With that being said, my worship has gone to a new level this year! I have always known that God has called me to be a leader of worship. He has begun developing my gift of worship as I have been asked by my wonderful church, Family Worship Center Church-Flint, to lead worship service more! As exciting as it sounds, I recognize it is a great responsibility and my prayer is that others can release all of their hurt through their worship like I do and that they will experience a true encounter with the Lord like I do! All I ever want is for God to meet us right in the midst of our worship! I am excited that God is beginning to do just that through my worship and 2014 is about to be the breakout year!

Last but not least, I continue to move forward even in my career endeavors. I have been praying for the past year or so about my job. It  had begun to get very stressful and I know it is not what God had for me for the rest of my life. This December I was offered a new job! And to top it all off, the job is in the city that I have always said I would love to live in!!! I am very excited about the change. I will be starting the job in January! So, as you can see...God has been doing some GREAT things! I told you that Greater was coming!

You can imagine that I have had some exciting things going on theses last few months of the year. I had a great birthday in September and I have had nonstop happiness and continual joy, with some occasional lows of course. But my lowest low came when I decided to take a look back at that which I had walked away from. Now, I should let you know if you don't know already, there will come a time that you get curious about what's going on with your old news guy/girl. Who doesn't? It's natural. What you may find may not always be what you need. I would say, 100% of the time, it's never what you need. My decision to take a look back, which is very easy to do with the advancements of technology, was not one of my wisest moments. Initially, it was a test of how far I had come and quite frankly I was very proud of myself at first because the effect was not negative at all. I felt nothing. Sometimes though, we can go a little further into things than we need to and find things we really should not have. That's when the thoughts began to roll back in, constantly. Thoughts of all of the lies, what was a lie and what was the truth, did the person really ever even love me, what is so great about this other person that they are publicly with and have now made a complete "Brady Bunch" family with now? I would say I am a great catch and have way more to offer than the other...etc.

ATTENTION: LOOKING BACK IS A BIG MISTAKE!!!

My advice, leave them and all that involves them where they are...behind you! Keep looking forward. Be sure to let those who love you, friends or anyone who may know the person you left in your past just that. They are in your past and you want nothing more to do with them. You don't want to know any news about them, good or bad! What good is it going to do you to know what is going on in their lives? Whether you hear that they are doing horribly, their life is falling apart or that they are happier than ever...neither piece of information is going to benefit you one way or the other. Yes, you may get some sense of pleasure to know that they are unhappy and things have fallen apart since you left but is it prospering you any? No. Is it making you a better person or advancing you in life? No. Keep your focus on things ahead of you. Keep your eye on the great things God has for you ahead and He will deal with them. He removed them from your life for a reason so don't try to bring them back in any way, shape or form. Disconnect completely! As hard as it may be, it has to be done. I, for one, know it is hard. It's really hard when you have connected with children. All you can do is cover the kids in prayer as well.

God has so many great things in store for you. Don't stifle yourself because you can't seem to keep your focus ahead of you. You cannot drive forward if you keep your eyes in the rearview mirror! You're just going to crash and burn. I would say that I had a slight fender bender but I am back on the road again with my eyes straight ahead and I can see my destination as I get closer and closer to it!

Leave everything that happened to you that impacted your life in negative way in 2013. Don't take it with you. Let it all disappear with the year. That's what I plan to do. It may be that I have to let some other people go who will constantly try to bring the dead back to life, and you may have to also but it is time to think about YOU. Think about your progress! I'm moving forward! Are you?

GREATER IS COMING! KEEP YOUR EYES FOCUSED AHEAD!

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU! I can't wait to hear how God blesses your 2014! Please, share with me your great things! Let me praise with you! I am praising for you in advance! Chase your Greater!

It's Not The End!

Today, my heart is going out to all of those who have experienced heart ache and hardship, disappointment and utter embarrassment from a dysfunctional or broken relationship. As I share my story; my life. As I make myself as transparent as possible to others, they are letting down their guards and become comfortable with sharing their story with me! I am ever so grateful and honored that my story is helping others release. It's one thing to talk to your friends or family about your problems or about how wrong you were done or what you experienced in your relationship, but to open up to a complete stranger because you felt a connection is absolutely amazing! It helps you release the issue in a completely different and liberating way. It is always encouraging to know that you are not the only one who is going through or has gone through such devastating events. It's not a matter of misery loving company but rather misery being understood and empathized with. People who haven't been through it cannot really connect like a person who has. I am elated that I can be that person! I send my sincerest gratitude out to all of you who have shared your story with me, be it privately or publicly.

Now, I want to share what has been in my heart. When we go through these devastating times it can be very hard. We cry, we scream, we feel like we are at our very worst. We want anything to relieve the pain. We feel as though our life is over! How can I go on from here? This was the very worst thing that could have ever happened to me! Why me? I can't take it! Honestly, I have said all of these things. I have felt the exact way that I just described and I am sure many of my hurt sisters and brothers have felt the same. Truth is, your life (my life) is over...as you knew it! Don't look at is at a bad thing because it's not the end!

Although it may feel like the end, I want to share something with you. Isaiah 43 reads, Remember ye not the former things, neither consider the things of old. Behold, I do a new thing; now it shall spring forth... I will even make a way in the wilderness , and rivers in the desert. (Paraphrased a bit).

You know, one day, I woke up and realized what the word "past" meant. I realized that it means anything that is not happening in the present. Everything that happened 30 seconds ago is over and in the past. I cannot get it back, I cannot go back and change it. It's gone. It's over. Forget about it!! What is the point in mulling it over again when the moment is gone?? Once I came to that realization, things began to get a lot easier. I was able to look forward more than backwards. As I mentioned before, it's all a process.

In regards to what was said in Isaiah, it is clear evidence that it is not the end! God said forget about what happened in the past! He said don't even think about how it used to be! You know why? Because He is doing a new thing...IN YOU!!! He is working some things out for you! For me too! All we have to do is continue to look ahead to Him. Making a decision to turn your back and walk away from something that does not glorify God is not a feat taken lightly by the Lord. You will be blessed for your obedience and God will restore to you 100 fold all that the enemy thought he stole!

That scripture says, NOW it shall spring forth! If anybody is getting excited about that, it's me! He didn't say in a little while, he didn't say 5 years from now, 10 years from now. HE SAID NOW! It is not the end! God is doing a brand, spanking, new thing! I know it can feel like you are just left alone and desolate in hard times but He said He will make a way in the wilderness! He will make a way in your lonely times, during your times when you feel like no one really understands. God is there and He is preparing a way for you. He will make a river in your desert! He will send you a refreshing when you feel all dried up and weak! (I am about to shout myself in my room because that just blessed me!)

Praise Your Holy Name Oh God! Thank You for ministering to me in the midst of my ministering to others! I am so undeserving! Thank you for my refreshing!!

I just had to take a moment and worship the Lord for His divine word and illumination! I just wanted to remind you or maybe even tell you for the first time...IT IS NOT THE END! God is doing a NEW thing! Leave the stuff that happened 30 seconds ago or as far as 30 years ago where it is, IN THE PAST. Think on it no more but instead, get excited for the new thing that is springing forth! You're walking forward, right into your destiny!

GREATER IS COMING!

Transformers

Romans 12:2 And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.

As we know, with new beginnings comes the chance to make a new name for yourself. A chance to start over with a clean slate. A chance to reinvent yourself! When you think of reinvention, you think of transformation. You know those plans everyone makes on December 31st of every year for the following year? A resolution or should I say a Re- Solution? A plan to start over and transform themselves to be different in some way, shape or form from the previous year.

Transform means to change in form, appearance or structure; metamorphose. Transformation begins from the inside. It begins with the mind. Once you begin thinking differently, you to see things differently. Once you see things differently, you begin to respond or behave differently. Once you begin to behave differently, you are seen by others differently. It is a domino effect.

With all that has occurred I my life within the pass few months, I find myself at a stage of transformation. I have been asking God to renew my mind when it comes to certain things in my life. It's a process in itself but I can recognize the process. For instance, a lot of us women deal with the issue of wanting to lose weight. By changing my mind about the issue, rather than trying to lose weight for an event or by a certain time, I have begun to notice a change in myself. I have made the decision to be healthy, as healthy as I can be. This is also a process. You take it one step at a time. I have begun to think about the things that I eat that contribute to the way I look and feel. I have begun to think about my future and how much more of a happy life I will have for myself and for my own future family by making healthier choices and being active. My focus is on something greater than just seeing the numbers on the scale go down or fitting into some new skinny jeans. God has opened my eyes to the bigger picture of it all.

That is just area in which I am being transformed. God is working so much in my mind and heart, reshaping me spiritually as well. This is the most important transformation of all. Every new level requires a new amount of strength, grace and wisdom. The enemy's attack gets greater and greater the closer you are to fulfilling the purpose God created you for. Transformation is never ending! It can also be very uncomfortable.

When you are transforming, your are changing the way you used to do things. You are thinking differently and working differently. Sometimes you have to force yourself not to go back to doing things the way you did them before or else your transformation will be stunted. Transformation can be painful at times, you might want to give up. Just as if you were trying to transform your physique. You have to do things differently and on purpose to get different results. Better results. And you know when you get the best results? When you have someone who has been there, made the transformation before you or has wisdom to guide you along in your process. We all need guidance. With that being said, the first step in the transformation process should be humility.

1 Peter 5:6 reads Humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time. When we are humble to God, were are moldable. He can begin to work on the inside of us to transform us into what He has called us to be and to take us to where He has destined for us to go. We have to be willing to start the process by humbling ourselves to Him first and foremost, secondly to a wise and experienced guide that will also help us along in our journey, whether that be a Pastor, a spiritual counselor, etc.

So that is where I am. I am in my transformation stage. I have gone through my troubled time and now God is beginning to refine me into beautiful gold. It's a process. Is that where you are in your journey right now? Have you begun the transformation process? Have you humbled yourself yet? It's good to stop, be quiet and still, and figure out where you are in your journey. It makes things a lot clearer and you will be much happier once you are aware of where you are and you accept where you are at this time. I know for a fact it can be easier said than done to accept it but you have to know, you are in a process! You are transforming! Look forward to your metamorphoses!

GREATER IS COMING!!!!

New Season, New Day, New Beginning

Here I am once again,

I have decided to make more of a purposeful effort to write everyday. God continues to work in my life and all glory belongs to Him for how far I have come. I would just like to share where I am at this point.

As you all know, a chapter of my life has ended and I have begun to open up a brand new chapter, with brand new feelings and brand new experiences. I recognize that God has brought me into a new season, a new day, a brand new beginning.

There is a lot on my mind at this time. I have found myself in a search mode once again. A place I have not been in since I was about 22 years old. I am realizing that the old has passed away and everything really has become new. It is almost as if I am starting all over from the beginning and I have been given a second chance to do things better than before. Now this is a great thing! Who doesn't want a second chance? My God is the God of second chance.

Well why aren't I absolutely ecstatic about this brand new blank page??? Why do I feel like it will take me forever to get where I want to be now? Before, I felt as though I was getting closer to the things I wanted such as being a wife, being a mother, having my own family, being the ultimate adult. Now it's like I have to start all over from scratch! How long will it take? I understand patience is virtue but just how long will I have to wait? How much work needs to be completed in me at this time? I see what I want and I am ready to be there now. I am not getting any younger. I feel like I am running out of time! My peers around me have been moving forward in their lives, getting married and starting their own families and I am being left behind. I feel like I have to play catch up!

Yes, I know everyone is in different seasons at different times. This season, I'm sure is a season where God wants to use me completely for His glory. I understand that. I have been catapulted to new levels in my worship and my gift is making way for me. But if I take the time to be honest, I long for these other things. Is that so bad? I am human.

As I sit here, thinking about all that I long for, how far away it seems to me. I open my bible and the verse that is revealed to me is, 1 Corinthians 2:9 which reads: Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, nor have entered into the heart of man the things which God has prepared for those who love Him. I love Him! That means me! If you love Him, that means you!! Sometimes, we get so caught up in our own thoughts, and the enemy can run with those thoughts and we start to believe our own thoughts and forget that God has the final say so. Isaiah 55:8 reads: For My thoughts are not your thoughts nor are your ways My ways, says the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My thoughts than your thoughts. And you know what he said about His thoughts in Jeremiah 29:11,  For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Now if that isn't good news, I don't know what is!! This post goes to show that the best way to put to rest your own, carnal thoughts and fears is to open up your bible and read the words of the Lord to bring you comfort and to calm all of the fears that the enemy has been trying to run rapid with. I know we all make plans for our lives. I for sure did and they did not work out the way I wanted them. I was supposed to have been married for 5 years by now and have at least 2 children according to my plan. But guess what?! God's plans are the best plans. We don't know them and that is the hard part of it all, but the best thing for me or anyone else can do is TRUST Him.

So there, this post just ministered to me if it didn't minister to anyone else. Greater is coming! It gets here and then God has more!!!! Hold on with me! We get a brand new chance, let's be grateful for it together!!!!

I'm In Love With A MAN!

I’m in love with a MAN

A REAL MAN

Not the kind that’s selfish and self-centered

Controlled by his ego and still living with his mama

 

This MAN is Independent

Selfless

Loving

Caring

Sensitive

And puts me before himself

 

I’m in love with a MAN

A REAL MAN

Not the kind that cares more about getting his bread up,

Making a name for himself, and  “turning up” every weekend,

Than he does about being there for his family

 

This MAN chases God

Prays for his future wife

Intercedes for his child

Worships through hardships

Meditates on the Word

And surrounds himself with wise, Godly counsel

 

I’m in love with a MAN

A REAL MAN

He understands what it means to be the head of the household, to provide for his family and to love his wife as Christ loves the church. He exercises the ability to make me number 1 in his life as well as ensure me of the security of the spot that I hold.

 

I’m in love with a MAN

A REAL MAN

The ONE God created me for and him for me. We were purposed to be brought together at the right time,  allowing Jehovah to perfect us for one another.

He is a MAN of God, a leader in the Kingdom.  A MAN I am willing and anxious to follow.

I’m in love with a MAN

He’s THE MAN

He’s MY MAN

And I am ever so grateful!

 

So this is just some inspired writing that I wanted to share. As you can see, I have been slacking on my posts. None the less, I have thought about my readers and I can share that I a doing wonderful! God continues to work his loving grace and mercy throughout my life. I have had some days of missing physical companionship, having a main person to be my movie partner, arcade buddy or just plain roll dawg . The enemy would try to bring all sorts of negative things into my mind about me and the things I have experienced but then God reminds me of how good He is and how much of a good time He and I can have together! My dear brothers and sisters, remember that victory cannot be won if you do not have an opponent to overcome! Your Greater is Coming if it has not already gotten to you yet. No matter what you are feeling, going through or what it looks like, just know, YOUR BEST IS YET TO COME! HOLD ON! MY GREATER IS HERE!

Open Book: Transparent

Good morning,
Good night,
Good afternoon,

Whatever it may be to you, I pray it is a good one. Here I am again, opening myself up completely to you, my readers and also to myself.

As you all may know by now, I don't mind being transparent for all to see. In my opinion, I'm giving others a chance to learn, experience and derive hope through me. I have had a few of you testify to the latter; hope. It brings me great joy to know that through the sharing of my pain, my attacks and my victories, I am helping someone else. Like I always say and strongly believe, I never go through anything just for myself... It's always for someone else.

So where are you, Nikeya, with this process? How are you handling everything up until now? I'd say I have been doing exceptionally well. God has been doing an excellent job at showing me where I'm headed, reminding me of where He brought me from, what He protected me from and allowing me to love in spite of my hurts; it amazes me! I had no clue I would experience some of the wonderful feelings I am experiencing at the present time.

With that being said, the enemy is still at work. I must admit to you, just because it may feel like he's let up a little, doesn't mean you're in the clear. It only means he went back to the drawing board to come up with a different strategy; a different plan of attack. I find now, since he could not win by attempting to harden my heart and make me bitter, he has now moved on to my trust.

Realizing the person who attempted to marry me, not even three months ago, has moved on rather quickly and begun his new life with his new child's mother has caused me to wonder; was any of it ever real? Are the things anyone ever says to me real? Male or female. Are those people who tell me things or share information with me, are they really doing it because they care or are they purposely trying to hurt me also? I seem to can't help but question everyone's motives now. My trust has been completely betrayed and probably, just like many of you, when your trust is betrayed you begin to keep an eye on everyone around you no matter how close you are or how long you've known the person.

Proverbs 3:5-6 is the scripture that has to guide me right now. The scripture tells me to trust in the Lord with ALL my heart and lean not on my own understanding; in ALL my ways acknowledge Him and He will direct my paths. I place an emphasis on ALL because the word is said twice and it appears to stick out to me. It makes me feel like, right now, it is OK for me to feel the way I do towards human beings, the people around me because ALL of my trust needs to be in the Lord. He's the only One who is always constant. He will never leave me nor forsake me. He keeps His promises. His word never returns to Him void. I'm more than grateful for who He is and who He has been in my life. He continues to walk with me, moving me forward and opening countless doors!

So, I said all of that to say, not all feelings we feel during our process are bad. We just need to recognize them, know what the word says and know what to do with them. Don't freely hand them over to the enemy to manipulate and distort. EVERYONE IS NOT OUT TO GET YOU (I'm speaking to myself also). Give it ALL to God and let Him complete His perfect work. I am progressing wonderfully, better than I thought I would in the beginning, but I have to let Him complete the work. I cannot stop it prematurely just because I feel good. I'm still claiming that my Greater is here. I also need to be whole to experience my Greater to the fullest! Let the work continue! Don't lose hope. Your GREATER IS COMING!

When's The Wedding?

Greetings all!

Update: I'M DOING GREAT! So much has changed with regards to my emotional health. I am happier, more content, more fulfilled than I can ever remember! God continues to work and do wonders in my life. I'm so grateful for this entire process.

With all of that being said, I'm sure you can guess where I am in my process!  The healing continues to take place and I feel closer and closer to my blessing everyday. If I'm getting closer to my Greater then that must mean I'm moving further and further away from that which the devil tried to use to stop me.

I have been making great strides. I titled this post, "When's The Wedding? " because since I have been back to work and into the groove of the real world, that is the question that has begun to get asked. Now, in the beginning of this process, to hear that question would have brought about pain, embarrassment, shame, and whatever else the enemy would have tried to beat me down with. The first time the question was asked was when I realized, God has done so much work in me! I didn't get choked up at all, I didn't feel any bad feelings. What I felt was relief and pure happiness! To know that I'm not a part of a life filled with drama and sin is the most wonderful blessing! 

I have never felt so free, alive and like I can be myself without feeling like I need to hide some of who I am so not to offend the other person. I can love God, talk about my love for Him and be understood and accepted all while doing it! God has brought an amazing friend into my life who challenges me to grow more and more spiritually! I also still have the support of good Christian family and friends who love me. God has given me something to hold on to! 

He is giving me a glimpse of that which He has in store and wants for me. I'm happy! I'm not sad at all. I'm so glad I went through what I did because it has formed a great appreciation for the real thing! The pure, true, honest things God has waiting for me and I'm so excited as I see myself having them more and more!  My worship has intensified. I have been focusing on the gifts God has blessed me with and I have been getting blessed all the while! 

My Greater is here and I'm so happy to share it with you! I'm excited to tell you that it doesn't have to take long. Trust Him! Follow Him! Obey Him! You will receive more than you ever could imagine!  Keep hanging in there with me and I will do the same for you. My smile had returned and is here to stay! 

I'm just as excited for you as I am for me! GREATER IS COMING!

Anticipating: A Poem to My Greater.

Hello all!

I realize I am going to have to set time on the weekends for my posts. For some reason my weekdays tend to fill too much or go too quickly and I don't seem to be able to write like I wish. Today, I have decided to write a poem. Somewhat of a prophetic, looking ahead at what I believe God has waiting for me. The man of God He has so skillfully prepared for my arrival. Sometimes, you have to get excited for yourself. The word says God will give us the desires of our hearts as long as we keep His commandments. Walking with Him leads us directly to what He knows we have so longed for. My excitement has been building and continues to build, I am now anticipating the manifestation. Here goes...

To my husband, my best friend, my lover, my protector...

I want to start off by telling you that I love you
From the first day of my existence my heart was created for you
Ever since I was a little girl I would imagine our future together
How exited I'd be for the day you'd come to love me forever.

Reading stories of Prince Charming, dreaming of this type of fella
Who would not cease looking to find me, like I was his Cinderella
Having hopes of a fairy tale, just like the ones I read in books
As long as he sees me as his princess, I wouldn't care how he looked

Growing and experiencing all sorts of different pains
From heartbreak to heartbreak, I felt I would go insane
Then I looked to Jesus, who has been mending every wound
Providing me with hope that your love would find me soon.

Preparing me for my destiny, each experience was a lesson
Training me to differentiate the evil from the blessing
I am finally free with divine insight, no longer am I chasing,
Instead I stand still with patience, waiting, anticipating...

So many frauds and counterfeits crossed my path before you
Faking, fronting, pretending but they could never be you
Your genuine love and heart for God has captivated my spirit
You've always had the key to my heart, you just hadn't been near it

Well now it's time you unlock and set free all that has been trapped inside
The love, compassion and joy I have for you is becoming hard to hide
I know the journey has been long and the different pain excruciating
"The reward is great" is what I think, while I'm waiting, anticipating...

The day you come to get me and take me into your arms
I know I will be instantly in love and it won't be because of your charm
It's because I prayed for you, I asked God to keep you and me
Until that special day in His timing that we meet our destiny

My heart beats crazy inside my chest as I think of when that day will come
It's hard for me to maintain my composure when I think of you being the one
Patience is virtue and love is patient, these verses I continue stating
As I hold on to hope and my love for you, waiting, anticipating...


Well, that's the end of my poem. I hope you enjoyed it. Please don't go plagiarizing. LOL..I'm serious though. I just wanted to share this so that it can be evident to my readers, the people who have gone through or are currently going through the type of hurt, heartache, battle, etc. that I have or maybe even worse; that God can change your perspective. He can be you strength, He can encourage you, He can give you hope again. The devil likes to attack the heart. Especially the heart of those God created to provide the body of Christ with a supernatural kind of love for Him. Don't let your heart be hardened. Continue to look to the Lord and He will grant you far beyond what you thought you desired! I am still here for you. Still praying for you and still believing with you that GREATER IS COMING! It's here, just take a hold of it!

My Greater Is Here!

Hi!!

It has been a little while since I last wrote. I do apologize. Good news is, God is still working! He knows exactly what we need and when we need it. I'm still going through the process of healing and restoration. Things have gotten much easier. My mind has other things to think on and imagine. Good things. I'm so blessed.

With getting back to work and back into the groove of reality, my time really hasn't been managed well. That is my fault and I promise to doa better job. So many new, unexpected things have occurred sincei last wrote. Exciting things. God is really moving on my behalf. My greater is here! My smile has completely returned.
My joy has been fulfilled, my heart is still in the Lord's  hands and it has so much to hold on and look forward to. It's amazing how God will work in and through things and/or people to help with your healing and restoration! We just have to allow Him to work.

I'm sure you have noticed that in the beginning of my process, when the pain was fresh and strong, my posts seemed to be much longer. As the days went on, as I spent more time in the presence of the Lord, as I lived out my purpose to be a worshipper and worshipped my way through this thing, my posts looked to get shorter and shorter. It's not because I didn't want to write, at times I would be at so much peace, so full of joy that I would draw a blank and just go through my previous posts reading my words, your comments and smile.

The scriptures that I have share with you, they are being or have been made real in my experience. God has begun to move me into a new place. He has kept my heart soft and my mind free in order that I may be able to recognised that which is truly of Him and not shun it away. I truly have a peace that passes all understanding! Do I at times still think of how wrongly I was treated and how devalued I was and how could a person be so cruel? Not often but the thought has arisen. Then I think of the wonderful things God has waiting for me that will restore and supersede all that the enemy thought he took from me. God is giving me more than I deserve! I'm more than grateful. My trust in Him has never swayed. My ability to be honest with Him, cry out to Him and express my feelings has allowed me to draw nearer to Him and establish an even more intimate relationship than before. God has been answering my prayers and letting me know He hears me. I have been having the most amazing experience ever!

Friends, I know things can be tough, the pain may be fresh and strong. It may even feel like it will never go away but I garuntee and am a living witness that if you hold on to Him for dear life, get His word down into your heart and trust it to come to pass, it will! I'm still saying it and I'm still believing it.. GREATER IS COMING! And I am now beginning to see that it's already here! Hold on, you're closer than you think!

ATTENTION!!!!

Hey there!

Did I get your attention with the title of this post? I hope so! Today I experienced a bit of relief, well more than just a bit. I was able to put my finger on my feelings and I discovered something about myself that I have known for a long time but did not really connect it to my relationships in the sense that I have come to realize today. I have a feeling, this discovery I made about myself, may also be a discovery others could make about themselves.

Attention. Whether we admit it or not, we all like some sort of attention. Even shy people like a little attention. Not the kind of attention people get when they are acting a fool or when you are out in front of a lot of people and everyone is looking at you. The kind of attention we get from significant others or people we feel are special in our lives. Maybe I should just speak for myself, but I like getting phone calls, text messages, emails, special gifts at work just because. It feels nice to know that someone is thinking about you.

When you are in a relationship or have someone special, you tend to get that attention. I know I did. So as I sat and thought today, I began to think about what I really miss. Do I really miss the person who purposely betrayed my trust and lied to my face over and over or do I miss what the person gave me. Attention! The attention made me feel special, made me feel like I was wanted. Quite frankly, I could get the attention from anyone else and feel just as special. Am I an attention seeker? No, I don't think so but I like to hear my phone ringing, I like to talk to someone, text someone, be asked to go to the movies with someone.

So when you think about the person who hurt you or broke your heart and you miss them and maybe even consider going back for another try, think deeper into what you are really missing? Do you miss being lied to? Do you miss feeling as though the person is never genuine? Do you miss being cheated on? Or do you miss having someone checking for you, someone who makes you think they are thinking of you, or just having your phone ring or vibrate from calls or texts? I think I just like my phone blowing up..lol. I don't miss the lying, cheating, intentionally evil person who never deserved me. As a matter of fact, when you think about it, you probably have a sense of relief not to have to worry about what the person is doing, where the person is, who the person is with, or if the person is lying to you. I know I do!

Realizing what I miss was not the actual person who I never really knew in the first place, but the attention, was quite refreshing. I feel like I have learned something deeper about myself. It has definitely helped with the process. I can move forward knowing what I valued most in any of my relationships. It was always the attention. Makes me question if I loved the actual person or just the attention. Hmmm...something to think about yourself also. Now that I am aware of what I loved so much, I can now get to the root of why I love it so much. Looking deeper into yourself and what you feel can be the most rewarding thing that you can ever do! Let God show you what's going on inside you and then give it to Him to heal or to turn it into something for His glory! Open up to yourself, find out about yourself, and let God repair and prepare you because GREATER IS COMING!

To The Other Woman

I'd like to take the time to speak to the dreaded "other woman" today. The topic has been on my mind. (I was watching Love & Hip Hop last night, my guilty pleasure, and I felt really bad for Shay) If you don't watch the show, you probably don't know what I am talking about but this young lady is where I was a few years ago, continually drawn back into this man's love triangle with the inability to tell him no. This will not be a "bash" post but rather an informative yet encouraging post, in my hopes anyway.

When we think of the "other woman", we often think of the home wrecking female who has no self-respect and will open her legs for the attention of another woman's man. That's what she appears to be but what she really is, is a hurt woman. A woman who has fallen in love with another woman's man and cannot break the connection because the man continues to hold her on a string. It's not always the case that the woman blatantly tries to entice another woman's man, although in some cases it is, but majority of the time, this woman has made some kind of emotional connection with this man and he took advantage of that, catching her up in his love triangle. Creating in her mind that there is actually something special between them when he is only using her for his sexual pleasure. As the "other woman", you will never have his heart. His heart is with the woman he calls wife, fiancé or girlfriend. If he really cared about you, he would be claiming you and not keeping you a secret or just making house calls when it's convenient for him. He may take you to lunch every once in a while, somewhere where no one who knows his REAL woman will see. He never takes you around his family or his friends, unless you have mutual friends. The people who really matter to him has never heard your name or seen your face or he if they have, he has never introduced you as "girlfriend". It's a harsh truth but I know these things because I was in the "other woman's" shoes. I felt what she felt. I was often left lonely when the guy would go back to where his heart really was.

My heart goes out to the "other woman". She doesn't know her worth. God has a special place in his heart for us women. We are called to be virtuous wives. He calls us, "more precious than rubies"! (Proverbs 31:10). Every thing that God created is beautiful and perfect. We were "fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). We, as women, have to know our worth. When we don't know our worth or aren't affirmed in how valuable we are, we tend to settle for what we can get. We will settle for a man who is already attached because we just want somebody. I'm telling you today, YOU DESERVE MUCH MORE! If he has already put a ring on another woman's finger, he is not yours and he does not value your worth at all. If he only wants sex from you the majority of the time, he does not value your worth. Now if you are the type of woman who just does not care and you are happy with yourself for breaking up a marriage, engagement, etc., then you are in my prayers. I believe the saying "the way you got the man is the same way you will lose him". What makes you think he will suddenly change and be faithful to you if he was messing with you behind his wife's, fiancé's or girlfriend's back? You think you can put some sort of magic on him? You're probably thinking, "If I have his baby then he will have to love me". Nope, still doesn't work that way. Some of you may succeed, but you yourself know that the love won't be authentic or real. Proverbs 6:23-26 warns the man of the seductress woman or harlot (which in today's language is whore).

Ladies, I want to encourage you not to settle. Don't be some man's play toy. Don't allow him to constantly devalue you. You are worth and deserve much more than that. Proverbs 18:22 says: He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. You are somebody's "good thing", you will bring some good man favor from the Lord! Notice it says HE that finds a wife not SHE that goes looking for a man to make her husband. Ask God to prepare you for your husband, to grow you into the woman He created you to be so that when your husband finds you he will have no doubt that you are his "good thing". Know that God has something greater for you! Jeremiah 17:7 says: Blessed is the man (or woman) who trusts in the Lord and whose hope is in the Lord. Trust God to bless you! He will give you the desires of your heart if you delight yourself in Him (Psalm 37:4). I know it can be hard to tear yourself away from a man after you are emotionally invested, it may even be hard for you tell Him no, but if you continue being someone's "side chick", you will never be someone's "good thing". Believe that GREATER IS COMING and set yourself in a position to receive greater!

Starting Over

Hello!

Today is my first day back at work after a month of self care. Yes, I took some time off to take care of my emotional and mental health after experiencing such devastating news, loss and change. I believe it was time well spent. I'm grateful for everyone who has been so supportive, compassionate, caring and helpful during this time. You really do find out who your real friends are when you are going through something and I am so blessed to have such wonderful friends and family. Parents aren't as bad as we sometimes think when it comes to relationship issues. My mom, stepdad, dad and stepmom have been there for me, loving on me and protecting me every step of the way. I love that I have so many people who love me!

I realized the significance of starting over today. I returned to work, expecting questions about what's going on, why I have been gone for so long, etc. All that would have done is put me back in the place I have worked so hard to come out of. Luckily, no one brought my past hurt back to my face. All I have gotten are smiles and 'welcome back'. It has been very refreshing.

The type of job I do involves having a case load of clients. When I turned on my computer, my caseload was clear. No cases at all. This means I get to start all over. It reminded me that the previous relationship I had has also been wiped out. I get to start all over! It's refreshing to clear out the old and get ready for the new. It's scary at times because you are not really sure what you will get but you are confident from your experiences and 'training', you will be able to handle what comes at you, maybe even better than before.

I have stepped into my 'starting over' stage. It's exciting and a little nerve wrecking at the same time but I'm able to take my time and see things a lot clearer than before. I'm stress-free, I can give the proper amount of attention to the things that need it and I can prioritize things in my life a lot better. I'm starting over and working my way towards greater because GREATER IS COMING!

Hopeless Romantic

Hiya!

So I have been thinking. Thinking about what I want in a guy, how I'd like to be treated, and the type of relationship I want when my Prince Charming makes his entrance into my healed, whole, blessed and happy life. As I thought, I realized I'm a hopeless romantic. I love all the spoiling of one another, attention, affection, support, togetherness, sweet gestures, creative date ideas, etc. I love that 'chick flick', romantic, ooey, gooey, stare into your eyes like there is no one else in the world that matters kind of love. I guess that's just me being a girl.

I don't think it's a long shot though. That type of love really does exist. It even existed in the bible days.  The book of Song of Solomon is a book of love letters. Chapter 1 starts off with:  Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth, for your love is better than wine. 2:4-5 He brought me to the banqueting house and his banner over me was love. Sustain me with cakes of raisins, refresh me with apples, for I am lovesick.4:5 (the man speaking of his woman) Your two breasts are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle, which feed among the lilies. 4:11Your lips, O my spouse, drip as the honeycomb. Honey and milk are under your tongue. That is just a little sample of how Solomon adored his woman and she adored him. I want that Solomon type of love!

Love is not only adoration. Love is a choice, its an action. Love means resisting the temptation of a 'harlot' who continually tries to seduce you or the man that is trying to make an emotional connection with you in order to get into your panties. Love means supporting one another and trying your best to bless one another, emotionally and physically. God know what type of love we desire and I believe He will grant us the desires of our heart as long add we commit our complete selves to Him and allow things to happen in His timing. As I read Song of Solomon, I get excited because I know God is setting it all up. He's showing me through Himself what real love is and how wonderful His love is. God is preparing me for Himself and for my 'Solomon'! If you are humbling yourself to God's will, I believe He is doing the same thing for you, whether you be male or female. Believe it or not... GREATER IS COMING!

June 8th

Hey everyone,

Today is a special day, very dear to my heart. It's my older brother's birthday! He would be 35 today. Bobby LaRon Johnson. He passed away when I was only 12 years old. He was just 18. He took his life in the basement of his grandmother's home. That was probably the worst day of my life. I can remember praying to God, begging Him to just let my brother live. I was making all kinds of promises on my brother's behalf of what he would do if God let him live. Now that I think about it, from a very young age I knew to petition God in prayer and I remember praying hard; crying out to God and rebuking the hands of Satan and his demons. After all of that, my brother did not make it. You would think I would have been mad at God and never prayed again but I wasn't. I can't remember being mad at God at all. I don't even remember experiencing any greif. Of course I was hurt not to be able to see my brother again but I don't remember crying much. I remember being angry that my big brother left me. He left me here alone and unprotected. Yeah, my dad was a part of my life but he did not live in my home and he didn't really seem to know exactly what to do as a father. My brother made me feel safe and kept knuckle head boys away from me. I felt abandoned but I never stopped loving him. He's still the most important guy to me. This day of his birth will always be special to me.

Today was also supposed to be my wedding day. Because I had included my Pastor, my fiancé and I had decided to get married today at 3pm rather than elope. My Pastor was ready and willing. This delighted my heart so much because of the significance of it being my brother's birthday. I was so happy and thought it was my dream come true. I had wanted to get married on this special day, no matter who I was marrying. I would be getting ready to walk down the aisle at this very moment to pledge my life to a man I never knew. To a man that would lie to me, disrespect me, dishonor me, cheat on me and whatever else he was doing that I was unaware of. I would be getting ready to ruin my life forever or at least for the next 18 years, having to deal with a very immautre baby mama. Naw, I'd say my life would be ruined forever because a liar will always be a liar and a cheater always a cheater. I know for a fact, and he knows, I deserve way better and I will never settle. I'm not an average girl, I'm above average so I won't settle for nothing less!

I believe that God loves me too much to allow me to stay in a place where I will not be able to experience His best. He will not allow me to be caught up in a bunch of nonsense and immature drama. I believe God protected me from harm. Yes, finding out I was lied to and cheated on for so long hurt but at least I don't have children with this man or have to go through the pain of divorce. A lot of the time we have the wrong perspective when things don't go the way we hoped or planned and seem like everything has fallen apart, when really God is moving things out of the way or restructuring thinngs to turn out the way He purposed. God's way supercedes our own way. His way is way better than we ever could have imagined. God loves you too much not to set you up for His very best! So, today, I am not going to give you a scripture. I just wanted share where I could have been, what my life could have turned out to be but by making the choice I did, not to accept that which I did not deserve, I opened the door for God to pour out all that I need and more. GREATER IS COMING!

Tried In The Fire

Hi there!

I'm glad to see people are enjoying my posts. Hopefully not for spiteful intentions. I really do pray that someone is truly blessed by my words or my experience.

Today as I allow the thoughts from last night to settle, I am accepting that I am coming into a new season. Old things have passed away and all things are made new. New day, new experiences, new friends, new relationship, new and better gifts (wink). A new chance to trust, follow and obey the Almighty God and do all that I can to please Him.

James 1:2-4 reads: Count it all joy when you fall into diverse temptations (trials, hard times, trying situations); knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that you may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.

These hard times, hurtful times, disappointing times are all chances for your faith to be perfected. These are the time that we are able to show God that we trust Him, also allowing Him to perfect us spiritually and as a total person. When you think about how gold is made; it has to be placed in fire to rid it of all its impurities, refining it into the most beautiful, pure and valuable possession of all. It goes through a process.

Consider these trying and pressing times as you being tried in the fire, being purified as your faith is strengthened. And after all of this, you are coming out the most beautiful, purest and most valuable gold there will ever be in this earth!

Now that's a clear picture that after all of these things that you feel have been trying to take you down, GREATER IS COMING. You're coming out gold! Get ready to shine on! I'm getting ready! Watch me start shining!

Can't Sleep

Good middle of the night to you.

I can't sleep so I figured I'd write. A lot is running through my head tonight. Feelings of things being unreal, like I am just stuck in a bad dream. I feel as though I am in disbelief that a person who constantly told me that he loved me could betray me then be so cold towards me. It's kind of hard to wrap my mind around. How could a person lie and pretend to be something they are not for 2 whole years? It's all mind boggling to me. If anybody has any answers to my questions, I'm all ears. I guess I ignored the signs and maybe I was in denial but I sit here flabbergasted as I think about what has occurred in my life. A life that I was planning to live with this person for eternity just to be pushed away and ignored like I never existed. Nikeya, you left him, right? Yes I did but a girl likes a little fight, am I wrong? If you love a person with all your heart, is it just that easy to let them go?

So many questions, all unanswered. They may never be answered. I may never know how that person truly felt about me ever. Will that stop me from breathing? Nope. Will that stop me from successfully moving forward and living a happy and blessed life? Not at all. I'm allowed to think those thoughts. I'm allowed to have questions. Through all of this, I truly believe God has a master plan that will exceed my highest expectations. Even though I can't understand why or how right now I know in my heart that GREATER IS COMING!

To My Readers

I just wanted to make a special post for my readers. I appreciate your views and whoever +1 my posts often. My personal thank you to you. I don't know who you are but you are greatly appreciated. I write these posts in hopes of encouraging and inspiring my readers. I am completely honest and transparent so that my life can minister to yours. I want you to know that you are welcome to comment on my posts. Preferably positively. Let me know how they are helping you or share your testimonies with me. I always reply to comments. Special shout out to Monica Brown and Keisha Nicole for your comments. I replied in case you weren't aware.

Anyhow, I pray my expression of feelings and enlightenment by God is somewhat beneficial to you. I pray for my recognized readers as well as my anonymous readers. I truly believe GREATER IS COMING and I hope you are believing right along with me. Thank you again for reading. I hope to begin to hear from some of you.

Have a GREAT day!

Live For Today!

Good Afternoon!

And a good afternoon it is! You know why? Because we're free! Free to live joyously, happy, in peace and complete contentment with the love of God which sustains us.

Today I have been inspired to live for the present day. Matthew 6:34 reads: Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. So often we focus on the things of the past or worry about what will happen in the future, I'm am extremely guilty of this myself. Today, I make the decision to be where I am today, in the present. I will focus on getting through the present day rather than allowing past hurts, disappointments, failures, even success and accomplishments to  control my heart, mind and emotions, ruining my present day. I will also refrain from getting anxious about my future, what will happen, if certain things will happen, who will come into my life or who will leave. I may have previously mentioned this scripture before, Philippians 4:6 tells us to be anxious for nothing but in all things make our requests known to God through prayer, supplication and thanksgiving (paraphrased). Supplication is a humble petition or request. Anxiety is a sign to pray and give whatever is making us anxious over to God then go about living for the present day.

Psalm 118:24 reads:  This is the day the Lord has made; We will rejoice and be glad in it. Be glad for today!  Rejoice because you woke up this morning. Rejoice because you are breathing, rejoice because you have a new day of mercy and grace to get things right with God, rejoice because you can simply read this post. I find it much easier to live happily one day at a time and to stop rushing the future along. Living for today brings more peace, settles your spirit and just makes the day better and brighter. So I urge you to live for today and today alone and watch how much more rewarding it will be to you mind, body and soul. Each day is a new day, a new chance, and one step closer to that which God has promised you. He knows all the days of our lives before we even live them. With God in charge we can be sure that GREATER IS COMING!

Be Free

Hey!

I want to begin this post with a scripture. II Corinthians 3:17: Now the Lord is the Spirit; and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty. Liberty is defined as freedom from control, interference, obligation, restriction, hampering conditions, etc.; power or right of doing, thinking, speaking, etc., according to choice.

Today I speak freedom over your life and mine! We have the choice to be free. The Spirit of the Lord provides freedom. Jesus won freedom for us. I speak freedom in the mind, heart and emotions. Make the choice to not allow your negative circumstances control you anymore. Whether the circumstance be financial issues, relationship issues, heartbreak, issues with your children, etc. Where the Spirit of the Lord is, we have freedom. That means it  is all in His hands. That means God will step in to relieve us of all the things that have been weighing us down. We have the freedom to be healed, delivered, set free from all that has tried to keep us in bondage.

I don't know about you, but I want to be where the Spirit of the Lord is at all times! I'm glad His Spirit lives on the inside of me. When I accepted the Lord Jesus in my heart, I was also filled with His Spirit, therefore I can walk in complete freedom! And I have good news, so can you! Romans 10:9 says:  that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. I John 1:9: If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. I John 4:15: Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him and he in God.  Isn't that wonderful!  You have the opportunity to receive the Spirit so that you can experience freedom.

Just pray this simple prayer: Dear God, I ask that you come into my heart today. I repent (turn away from) of all my sins. Please forgive me. I confess with my mouth and believe in my heart that Jesus the Christ is Your Son, whom You sent to die on the cross for me, then raised Him from the dead with all victory in His hands. Because of this, I am saved. Thank You for hearing my prayer, thank You for forgiving me, thank You for saving me. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

Did you pray those words? Do you believe them? If you do, you are saved! Welcome to the Kingdom of God! Welcome to freedom! Begin to walk in all that God has shown you and called you to, worry-,stress-, and anxiety-free! It's a blessing to be filled with the Spirit of the Lord. His presence is always with you. In His presence you will find peace. A peace that no one will be able to comprehend. Let God handle all that concerns you. Sometimes it is a lot easier said than done because as human beings we like to be in control of things and it's scary not to be, but I'm positive God can and will do a way better job of taking care of us than we can ourselves. He owns the whole world!

So be free! I'm free! Live your life free of hurt, guilt, shame, etc. Expect the best because when God is in it, there is no limit (thanks Israel and New Breed). GREATER IS COMING!

I'm Tired

Hi,

Today and yesterday my feeling had been that I am tired. I'm tired of having good days and not so good days. Tired of thinking so much about how wrong my situation is and how a person could be so selfish and cold hearted to play with my heart. I decided that I am done. I'm done allowing it to zap my energy.

I had such a good time yesterday with my friends from college who I've known for ten years now and are like sisters to me. I went and saw a great movie. 'Now You See Me', it's a must see! I have been trying to exert my energy to other things and it makes me feel good. I am grateful for wonderful friends who are so supportive and caring throughout this hurtful time. They are a big part of my healing.

My suggestion would be to surround yourself with people who are going to bring positivity and growth to you. Some may advise you to move on to a new guy to get over the old one but that is the worst thing you can do. It will not allow healing, as a matter of fact, it will probably make things even worse. Don't allow your emotions to draw you away from the real thing God is trying to accomplish. Don't let others distract you.

The struggle is tiring but I was recently reminded that no weapon formed against me shall prosper (Isaiah 54:17). If you are in Christ, the same goes for you! God is our shield, He's already won the battle for us when He allowed His Son to be nailed to the cross and raised from the dead. Everything we're dealing with was nailed to the cross with Jesus. Praise God He did it for us.

Don't grow weary in doing good (1Thessalonians 3:13). I admit that I'm tired and you may be tired too but we have to beg God for the strength to keep going because I'm sure we are closer to our blessing than we think.

GREATER IS COMING!

Don't Put All Your Eggs In One Basket

Hiya!

Just wanted to share my current feelings about my situation. I titled this post the way I did because I have come to realize my first mistake when it came to dating was that I gave my significant other the majority of my time.  He was my movie partner, my arcade partner, pretty much my roll dawg. I find that now that we are not together, I don't have anyone to hang out with. I didn't keep a healthy balance between friends and my boyfriend. Not that I don't have friends, I just never realized how "on the go" I like to be compared to the friends I do have. They all tend to have other obligations. Instead of spending all of my free time with him,  I should have been establishing relationships with other young, single, childless individuals whom I could hang out with from time to time and not just do everything with my boyfriend and his family.

I always said I never wanted to lose myself in a guy but in a way I did. I did not balance the "me time" and the "we time". Now I know. I bet a lot of people get out of balance in that area. If you're not one of those people then good for you but some of us fail to realize what's happening when it happens until the thing we invested the most time in is taken away from us. Then we are left with the "what do I do now?" face.

So, I'm learning to fill my time with many different things, hobbies and adventures so not to put all my eggs in one basket because if that basket is destroyed,  then so are all my eggs.

Well, I guess you live and you learn. It only took me three tries to get it. First lesson learned from this experience so far, aside from the obvious lesson of if you suspect lies then they are lies! Lol. Anyway, it doesn't matter what happened in the past because now that the trash is out of the way... GREATER IS COMING!

Obedience Is Better Than Sacrifice

Hi!

I know I have been a little late with the posts in the day. I apologize.

My thoughts today surround obedience. Have you ever been getting ready to do something then heard a voice telling you either not to do it or do it another way, etc.? Did you obey that voice? If I had to be honest, about 99% of the time, I do not obey the voice. Now, if you are hearing voices, as in many voices in your head, you need to go to a psychiatrist ASAP!

During this time of letting go and moving forward, it was brought back to my memory the many signs God was showing me, the many times I heard "this is not it", the many times I felt that things were not right in my relationship but I ignored them all! I wanted something in my own heart and sort of blocked what God was trying to get to me. I believe everyone has experienced this at one point or another. You want what you want so bad that you are okay with ignoring major signs just so that you can have what you want, even when it's not good for you.

I was once told, if you are not at peace concerning your relationship, then that's not the relationship God chose for you. A lot of the time we, especially women, will have things tugging at our hearts about our significant other that just does not set well with us but because we think we love them so much, we push it to the furthest point of our minds just to continue on in the relationship. I am guilty of this. Some things I knew as a woman but I was in denial, believed what was being told to me by my significant other and moved on past that which bothered me or that I believe God was trying to speak to me about. I believe I can hear from God. I believe He speaks to me. I just don't always obey what He is telling me to do. A lot of the time we don't do what God is telling us to do because it's not comfortable. It takes us completely out of our comfort zone and we won't know what to do next. We'd rather stay comfortable where we are, so we ignore the voice of God telling us otherwise. Not doing what you are told is just as much disobedience as is purposely doing the opposite of what you are told...if that makes any sense.

I realize, had I just obeyed God, I could have avoided this devastating situation and been done with this all a long time ago. My obedience would have shielded me from the pain, disappointment and betrayal I experienced. My disobedience was the cause of my sacrificed heart, joy, peace, etc. Many times other factors come into play when dealing with a relationship like the other person's family who love you so much or the fact that you have established such a great relationship with the other person's child(ren) if they have kids. We will allow those things to hold us captive in something that should have never been.

I want to make a point, from here on out, to obey whatever God says. His way is the best way and the only way. When you pray, wait for an answer. Don't just ask God for something then move on. Trust me, He will lead you in the right direction, the decision is up to you to trust, follow and obey. I'm tired of going through the same cycles because of my disobedience. I am at a point in my life where whatever God says do, I'm doing, because I have clearly seen that my own way never turns out well. I charge you to obey God's word, His voice and His leading whether it be in a relationship, at work, with your kids or with your finances. I believe once we start following Him, we will begin to see greater things because my darlings, GREATER IS COMING!

My Truth

 Hello there,

Today has been a restful day. My body is catching up on sleep and readjusting to the Pacific time zone. It's been a good day overall.

I have been completing counseling homework the past few weeks. Yes, counseling. When you have experienced a devastating event in your life, its a good idea to talk to someone other that your family or friends, someone professional, who might be able to help you recognize and pin point some of your feelings and where they stem from. It's been a great help for me. Like I said before, make sure to take care of yourself.

Anyway, as I was reflecting, I felt the need to share my truth. My history. I may have shared some of it before but I wanted to give you a deeper look at what I have experienced since becoming involved with male counterparts.

My first real love was for a guy who was my close friend. I was about 15 years old when we met. We started out as good friends, talking to each other about anything under the sun, developing one of the best friendships I had ever had with a guy and probably have experienced ever. It wasn't until 2 years later that we somehow developed a physical relationship. If I can be honest, there was nothing better in the world to me at the time than to be best friends with the guy I was " getting physical" with. The only drawback was, HE HAD A GIRLFRIEND! Now how in the world did I get caught up in that triangle?! I was in love. He was my first physical relationship. Even though it wasn't really a relationship because we kept it a secret for approximately 3 years! Yes, that long. I was the dreaded side chick. I was young and immature. I sympathize with girls now who are in that position because I know how it is or can be. I do not fault the woman that is pregnant by my ex-fiancé because I'm sure he did her like I was done when I was 17. Yes, we are all older now, both he and she are older than I am, her especially but age doesn't constitute maturity. Sad to say.

Anyhow, for 3+ years, I was in love with this guy who basically lived two separate lives and I let him! Remember in the 'Sex' post I talked about soul-ties? Yeah, this was one extremely strong soul-tie. It was so strong I could not form my mouth to tell him no. Now that's crazy! He once asked me why couldn't he have a girlfriend in and out of the state? Are you kidding me?! Nikeya, you should have run away screaming! I couldn't. My heart was caught up. I was blind to the fact that this relationship was toxic and just plain wrong.  The thing was, he never stopped being my friend, my best friend at that. Guys really know how to keep a girl hooked, right?  Nevertheless, it was not right. We continued to be there for one another like friends would be, we tried numerous times to end the physical relationship but kept being drawn to one another. That's what that soul-tie does. Keeps you connected. The only logical thing to do was just not be friends anymore. That hurt like crazy! Breaking a soul-tie is painful.

Galatians 6:7-8 reads: Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life. Do I feel like I have reaped what I have sown? In a sense I do but the bible also says, in Romans 8:1: There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit. I do not believe I deserved the way my ex treated me and I don't believe God allowed it to punish me. The common factor in both verses is the way in which we walk according to; of the flesh or of the Spirit. Yes, I walk according to the spirit now but back then I was not. I am not saying I had this coming nor am I saying that whatever you have done will cause hardship for you but what I do recognize is that sowing to either the flesh or the Spirit creates a cycle. The cycle I want to create is that of the Spirit. I have learned sowing to the flesh only creates a negative cycle and nothing good can come of it.  Filling your heart with the word of God, worship and prayer are all ways of sowing to the Spirit.

My challenge to you is to sow more to the Spirit, recognize the ways you have been sowing to the flesh and creating toxic cycles and ask God to deliver you. Our lives are changed by the choices we make. I wanted to share my history with you to share my struggle as well as my faith that God never stops caring for and loving you. Things could have been much worse if it had not been for God hearing and answering my prayer that Saturday afternoon. It hurt but I'm glad God remains faithful even when I have not. My eyes have been opened. My focus has changed and I have an expectation that GREATER IS COMING!

Thy Will Be Done

Good evening bloggers,

Tonight I'm in a place of resolve. There comes a time in your life where you have no clue what to do anymore and you have to just look to God and say, 'thy will be done'. I'm at that point. I am done giving my energy to something that I cannot control or change. Its time to set my focus some place more beneficial to me and others around me.

Yesterday I talked about writing the vision God has given you in your heart down so you might have physical evidence of what you have seen. Today, I have decided to pursue my vision and pour all of my energy into bringing it forth into the earth so that God might have His way. I have realized a shift in focus can make a world of difference in you emotional space and mental space. Why allow something or someone who has revoked all privileges to occupy your mind and heart continue to stay there? I'm no longer wasting my energy. Don't waste yours. There is so much more for you. Don't let another person's bad decisions and dysfunction hold you back. I have to give credit to my counselor for this sudden revelation.

Determine in yourself to be the person God called you to be. To fulfill His plans for your life. I believe that's the only way to find true fulfillment in yourself. Let go of your past, everything and everyone that hurt you, open up your heart to God and say, THY WILL BE DONE, then let Him take it from there. In Philippians 3:13-14, Paul says: Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. In other words he was saying he cannot get rid of his past but he can continue the ongoing process of forgetting things in order to keep moving forward. I'm sure Paul felt like me and just wished he could erase his memory but he did not rest on his past failures, success, hurts, disappointments, etc. He continued to labor for the Lord. (Nelson Study Bible: NKJ Version..great commentary) I don't know about you but I'm like Paul, forget what has happened, I cannot change the past but what I can do is continue to press forward toward the goal or the vision God had given me according to His purpose for my life, for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. I want to hear the words 'Well Done My Good And Faithful Servant'.

So don't let anyone, any past situation, any current things stop you from fulfilling your purpose. Make the choice today to say to God, Thy Will Be Done. God is a faithful God. Jeremiah 29:11 says God knows the thoughts that He thinks towards us, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give us a future and a hope. God is not a man that He should lie. (Numbers 23:19) and His word will not return to Him void or unfulfilled (Isaiah 55:11). So let God have His way and trust that GREATER IS COMING!

Write It Down

Hello!

So I'm starting to come down off of my diamond high from my Tiffany & Co. experience. I took pictures of myself in the rings just in case I needed to relive the experience. I have been looking at the pictures over and over. I have realized that when you're trying to move forward or past something, it's good to have something to look forward to. Map out your desires. Envision your future. The word of God tells us to " write the vision and make it plain". (Habakuk 2:2) If we want to see things come to pass in our lives, we have to actually see them now. Writing things out, cutting out pictures, trying on rings ;) and actually reading off the things when we pray makes it all more real. I challenge you to write out the things you desire as well as the things God has shown you, pray your list to God and watch as you begin to check things off of your list as God brings them to pass.

This is a short post because I am writing from my Galaxy S3 while I am in the airport. I refuse to pay for internet after the complimentary 45 minutes is up. I will make up for such a short post later. I just really wanted to share this thought. Remember,  GREATER IS COMING!

Looking Ahead

Hi there!!!

OK, so I know I'm a little late with the post but technically it's only 11:24pm in L.A. right now so I'm still getting one in before the day ends ;-).

It's my last night here in sunny California then it's (singing) back to life, back to reality. I had a great time. It was the perfect change of scenery. A bit advice: when you experience a devastating event in your life, make sure to take care of yourself, mind, body and soul. Just bottling things up like they never affected you makes things worse and takes a toll on you physically and emotionally. With the recent events that occurred in my life, it was a must I take care of myself. Especially with the type of job I do. So don't be ashamed to make sure you're well because there is only one of you and you should want to be the best you that you can be!

Anyhow, my day was beautiful. I spent the day at Santa Monica pier, peacefully watching the tide roll in, did some walking around the 3rd street promenade and stumble into a Tiffany & Co. store. Lord, Lord, Lord! The saleswoman was nice enough to allow me to try on different rings in the store. I tried on a $89,000 ring, which had to be tried on in a private room! I tried on other beautiful rings but I fell in love with that one! I was on cloud nine for the rest of my day!

Trying on those rings opened my eyes to something. I have something to be excited about. I have something to look forward to. Letting go of the past and the person that hurt you is not always easy but letting go opens the door for something even better! God will give you the desires of your heart. He's going to give me the desires of my heart!  Don't get me wrong, my heart's desires are not $89,000 wedding rings but I have made my petition to God of what I want and how I want to be treated.

People often see starting over as scary but it can also be exciting! Be excited for the new. Be excited for what God has planned for you. Be excited that old things have passed away and all things are new! I know that GREATER THINGS ARE COMING and I'm so excited!

All For His Glory

Hey Everybody!

Let me tell you how great of a day today is. IT'S ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL! I am experiencing so much peace and excitement for what's to come in my life out of every experience God is taking me through. My vision has changed and my focus is on the things God has destined me for rather than the things the enemy has tried to throw at me to bring me down. It's an exhilarating feeling, I must say! I can't begin to describe what's happening inside my heart and with my emotions right now. It's like a child waiting for Christmas and Christmas is tomorrow! You remember how that felt? Yeah, I feel like that, times 10!

Yesterday I realized a fear of mine and I shared it with you all. Today as I was watching my church's service online (Plug: Family Worship Center Church Flint-International www.fwccflint.org/live) my Pastor was talking about the spirit of fear. 2Timothy 1:7 states: For God has not given us a spirit of fear; but of love, and of power, and of a sound mind. If this wasn't right on time for me, I don't know what else was! My heart began to soak up that word like a sponge. He was talking to the youth, as they journey off into college after high school, but I received it for me as well. Fear is not from God. That is the devil trying to distract us from God's true purpose and plan for our lives. I decided right then and there not to allow fear to control me any longer. Once the decision was made, it was like God began to fill me with His spirit! Really, I felt a change!

Not only was the word preached on fear today but our associate Pastor talked about 20/20 Vision. Not the natural vision but the spiritual. He talked about the life of Paul and how anointed Paul was but Paul experienced much suffering. He talked about how those who have something great that God wants to get into the earth through them; the devil is going to try his hardest to put the most pressure on to get them to give up. These are the people who experience the most suffering. I have been told so many times by so many different people that I have an anointing for worship and leading people into worship. Even by people that never knew me! A girl who had just met me last week asked if I sing because I look like I should be on the cover of a gospel album! I laughed but I also received that. God has something He wants to do through me, it's just up to me to allow Him. God is a gracious God and He is not going to force us to do anything. It is our decision to give our will over to Him and allow Him to do what He wants to do in and through us.

Anyhow, my associate Pastor spoke out of 2Corinthians 4:15-18, a passage I know all too well but had somehow forgotten about. The scripture reads: For all things are for your sakes, that the abundant grace might, through the thanksgiving of many, rebound to the glory of God. For which cause we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory. While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal. The verse I have always focused on and repeatedly rehearsed in my heart is For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory. What's happening right now won't last forever. The hurt I experienced is going to go away and be no more and all of this will manifest for the glory of God! Romans 8:28 reads: And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose. All of what's going on in my life right now and everything that is going on in your life, if you love God and you know that you are called according to His purpose, this will all be worked out by God alone for our good!!! Hallelujah! If anybody is happy about that, it's me! What the devil meant for evil, God's going to work it all out for my good! That's something to praise God about RIGHT NOW!

I am so excited and honored to share this journey with you. I pray that you receive something from these posts about my real life experiences and you witness the hand of God move upon my life and believe that He will do the same for you! Walk in what God has called you to do right now. Praise Him right now for Him providing you with every single thing you need. Allow Him to restore joy to your heart like He has so graciously done in mine! I'm not lying when I tell you GREATER IS COMING! Are you ready for it?

Reality Confession #3

So, I'm in California enjoying the sunny weather, palm trees and fresh ocean. As I sat by the water looking out over the ocean by myself, I realized my most pressing fear. The fear of being lonely. I thought it was that I was afraid of being alone but I'm OK with being somewhere by myself. What I'm afraid of is being lonely on those days that you wish you had a companion of the opposite sex. Days like Valentine's Day, Sweetest Day (which is really only celebrated in Michigan and Ohio for some reason), Christmas, Thanksgiving, and just those days when you want someone to hug you or cuddle and watch a movie. That has been taken away from me. Of course I'm hurt by the actions of the person as it was his fault we had to separate. I walked away honorably. I believe what I will miss most is having someone there when I want someone there. Is that selfish? I actually feel some sense of relief because I put my finger on the real fear. I'm not sure why but it's like a light bulb came on and now I know a little bit more about me and my feelings throughout this process. I'm positive I'm not the only one who feels  this way, I'm probably the only one who is not ashamed to admit it. Well... this was a breakthrough for me. Back to my regularly scheduled program.

Sex: The Forbidden Topic

Hey y'all!

Today one subject has been tugging at my mind constantly. Sex. Did she say sex? Yes I did! Now, I know this is a topic rarely discussed. I guess because people think it's a bad word or it's nasty. Whatever the case may be, sex is or can be a major issue in many relationships, married or not.

In Hebrews 13:4 it is written, Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge. God created sex to be practiced and partaken of inside a holy covenant or marriage. This is why the marriage bed is undefiled. A fornicator is one who practices fornication or the voluntary act of sexual intercourse between two unmarried people or two people not married to each other. An adulterer is one who practices adultery. Adultery is defined as voluntary sexual intercourse of a married person with someone other than his or her lawful spouse. Both fornicators and adulterers will be judged by God. These two types of people appear to be using sex apart from the way God intended.

I want to be clear, a fornicator is one who purposely practices fornication and the same as with an adulterer. A person who has given their life to God and practices purity or abstinence but falls to the sin of fornication does not necessarily make them a fornicator. They do not actively practice the sin over and over. Well some do and think, 'God will forgive me'. No! You are a fornicator and need deliverance. God forgives but don't misuse His grace because you will be sorry in the end.

Anyway, I brought up this topic to discuss the effects of sexual sin. To be honest, I have fallen many times to sexual sin and begged God to forgive me. Did I make it a practice? No. Did I have slip ups because I allowed myself to be placed in tempting situations? Yes. Am I proud of my failures? No, but everyone has an area in their lives that they need more of God's grace and strength to help them overcome. Sex is a very strong area that requires lots of strength, depending on your make up. I'm made up to love passionately and sometimes that passion can get too strong and cause me to fall.

Sex is not only sacred because it was created by God but because the effects behind it. You are giving your body, and everything connected to it, to that other person. It's almost like a transfer from one body to the other, emotionally and physically. You are opening your whole self up to that person and giving them the most intimate parts of you.  From this very action, you are combining your soul to the other person's creating what is referred to as a soul-tie. A soul-tie is a stronghold that is often times very hard to break. Trust me, I am a strong witness to this. Once this stronghold is created only God can break it. This is why sex was created for marriage. Our souls are to only be connected to one person, our husband or wife. This is why we can experience so much anguish when we have to disconnect, breakup or leave a person. It's hard, it hurts and a lot of the time you don't want to because it's more comfortable just to keep a part of that person in your life. This is especially true for women. We are emotional beings and its difficult for us to let go.

I just wanted to share this truth with you to give some insight on why some things or people you are trying to remove from your life, heart and mind is or can be so difficult. We create these soul-ties without even realizing it. All because we opened ourselves up sexually. Sex is a wonderful thing that God created. I'm honest with God about how I feel about sex. That is the only way I will be able to receive His strength where I am weak. God knows our hearts anyway. Why try to fool him like you hate something? Whether it be sex, money, smoking, drinking, whatever. Be honest with God about how you feel and sincerely ask him for help in that area.

Sex is a big deal and giving your body, soul and emotions to someone is a major decision and should only be done within the confines of a holy covenant to the one God has chosen for you to spend the rest of eternity with. God will sever the strongholds that have already been created by our own doing outside of His will. He will restore us to purity and wholeness if we allow Him to. It's a process that's not pleasureable by any means but if we are diligent, determined and don't faint, we will see the fullness of His will manifest in our lives. It won't be long for me because I know GREATER IS COMING!

Ask And You Shall Receive

Buenos Dias mí compadrès!

Yeah, I know a little Spanish. Lol. Anyhoo, I hope your day is going well. Mine is a bit refreshing. I'm trying my best to live in the moment and enjoy where I am physically right now. I spent some good time in worship with my Almighty God and I'm currently experiencing much peace at the moment. Praise His Holy Name!

So as my thoughts raced today I thought of what was supposed to occur this weekend. I, along with my ex-fiancé, were planning to go to Vegas and elope! Today or tomorrow would have been the day my life completely changed, and I don't think I can say it would have changed for the better considering his current circumstance. I could only imagine the misery. I can only be grateful to God for saving me!

I wanted to share with you my prayer before this whole illegitimate child scandal was exposed. You should know that God hears your prayers and He answers them. The question is, are we ready to handle the answer to our  prayers? Anyhow, the day before I found out the devastating news that resulted in me ending the engagement and relationship all together, I was spending some time alone with God and  as I spoke with God I stated, "God, please take anything from me that's not like you and give me the strength to deal with it". I also prayed and asked God to show both me, and my fiancé at the time, if this marriage was in His will for our lives. The very next day, his secret was exposed through a phone call from a friend and his admittance when I questioned him about it.

Although I had just asked for this, boy did it hurt to know the truth. Was I ready to handle this? God answered my prayer so fast! 1John 5:15 reads, And if we know that He hears us, whatever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we have asked of Him. Dictionary.com defines petition as a request made for something desired, especially a respectful and humble request, as to a superior or to one of those in authority. I would say I made a humble request to THE ONE in authority, wouldn't you? Did I desire to go through the grief of losing a person who was such a major part of my life to unfortunate events? Not at all. Do I desire to be inside the will of God for my life and experience a happy, blessed, honest, trustworthy, loyal and fruitful marriage that honors God? HECK YEAH I DO!  My life is purposed to worship and please God. Anything that's not like Him or that does not have the same purpose has to go. It cannot be connected to the righteousness of Christ. Now I'm not saying my ex is the devil or a devil worshipper. I am only referencing the word of God that clearly states, Can two walk together unless they are agreed? (Amos 3:3). It appears to me the separation had to occur. Our lives were not being lived with the same purpose in mind.

In the gospel of John, the 16th chapter and the 24th verse, Jesus explains to His diciples how once He is crucified, raised and sitting at the right hand of God; we will be able to ask the Father anything in His (Jesus) name and He (The Father) will give it. Jesus told them to ask, and you will receive, that your joy may be full. I don't know about you but I want full joy, not half full, not three quarters, I want full! God knows what's best for us and what will bring us full joy, even when we're willing to settle for half just to have something. God wants us to have the best! I know He wants that for me anyway. God loves me too much not to give me His very best and not to protect me from harm and misery. I believe He loves you the same!

I  wanted to share this with you in order for you to know that God hears our prayers and He answers them because He loves us. Even though this is an uncomfortable position, God has not forsaken me. He is still listening, He is still working, it's all going to be a major piece in the testimony of my life. My story is not done yet and neither is yours. GREATER IS COMING. Keep saying it until you believe it, then once you believe you will begin to see it!