June 8th

Hey everyone,

Today is a special day, very dear to my heart. It's my older brother's birthday! He would be 35 today. Bobby LaRon Johnson. He passed away when I was only 12 years old. He was just 18. He took his life in the basement of his grandmother's home. That was probably the worst day of my life. I can remember praying to God, begging Him to just let my brother live. I was making all kinds of promises on my brother's behalf of what he would do if God let him live. Now that I think about it, from a very young age I knew to petition God in prayer and I remember praying hard; crying out to God and rebuking the hands of Satan and his demons. After all of that, my brother did not make it. You would think I would have been mad at God and never prayed again but I wasn't. I can't remember being mad at God at all. I don't even remember experiencing any greif. Of course I was hurt not to be able to see my brother again but I don't remember crying much. I remember being angry that my big brother left me. He left me here alone and unprotected. Yeah, my dad was a part of my life but he did not live in my home and he didn't really seem to know exactly what to do as a father. My brother made me feel safe and kept knuckle head boys away from me. I felt abandoned but I never stopped loving him. He's still the most important guy to me. This day of his birth will always be special to me.

Today was also supposed to be my wedding day. Because I had included my Pastor, my fiancé and I had decided to get married today at 3pm rather than elope. My Pastor was ready and willing. This delighted my heart so much because of the significance of it being my brother's birthday. I was so happy and thought it was my dream come true. I had wanted to get married on this special day, no matter who I was marrying. I would be getting ready to walk down the aisle at this very moment to pledge my life to a man I never knew. To a man that would lie to me, disrespect me, dishonor me, cheat on me and whatever else he was doing that I was unaware of. I would be getting ready to ruin my life forever or at least for the next 18 years, having to deal with a very immautre baby mama. Naw, I'd say my life would be ruined forever because a liar will always be a liar and a cheater always a cheater. I know for a fact, and he knows, I deserve way better and I will never settle. I'm not an average girl, I'm above average so I won't settle for nothing less!

I believe that God loves me too much to allow me to stay in a place where I will not be able to experience His best. He will not allow me to be caught up in a bunch of nonsense and immature drama. I believe God protected me from harm. Yes, finding out I was lied to and cheated on for so long hurt but at least I don't have children with this man or have to go through the pain of divorce. A lot of the time we have the wrong perspective when things don't go the way we hoped or planned and seem like everything has fallen apart, when really God is moving things out of the way or restructuring thinngs to turn out the way He purposed. God's way supercedes our own way. His way is way better than we ever could have imagined. God loves you too much not to set you up for His very best! So, today, I am not going to give you a scripture. I just wanted share where I could have been, what my life could have turned out to be but by making the choice I did, not to accept that which I did not deserve, I opened the door for God to pour out all that I need and more. GREATER IS COMING!