Saturday, May 25, 2013

Reality Confession #3

So, I'm in California enjoying the sunny weather, palm trees and fresh ocean. As I sat by the water looking out over the ocean by myself, I realized my most pressing fear. The fear of being lonely. I thought it was that I was afraid of being alone but I'm OK with being somewhere by myself. What I'm afraid of is being lonely on those days that you wish you had a companion of the opposite sex. Days like Valentine's Day, Sweetest Day (which is really only celebrated in Michigan and Ohio for some reason), Christmas, Thanksgiving, and just those days when you want someone to hug you or cuddle and watch a movie. That has been taken away from me. Of course I'm hurt by the actions of the person as it was his fault we had to separate. I walked away honorably. I believe what I will miss most is having someone there when I want someone there. Is that selfish? I actually feel some sense of relief because I put my finger on the real fear. I'm not sure why but it's like a light bulb came on and now I know a little bit more about me and my feelings throughout this process. I'm positive I'm not the only one who feels  this way, I'm probably the only one who is not ashamed to admit it. Well... this was a breakthrough for me. Back to my regularly scheduled program.

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