Reflection: The Intro

So, I turned 30 yesterday. I am officially out of my 20s. I am grown for real now. 30 seems so adult and sophisticated. It has been quite the journey. I have experienced quite a bit in the last couple of years. From a heartbreaking, embarrassing breakup to now married to a man who makes me feel like the only girl in the world and also a soon to be mom! So much has changed and is changing! And it seems to all be happening so fast!

I would have never thought I'd be where I am now. Two years ago, I had completely different plans. My life was mapped out in my head but God had different plans. His plans and thoughts are always higher than mine. I don't always understand them but I do know that He will always cause me to prosper,

As I reflect, I realize that with the many changes going on around me, there are also many changes going on within me, both physically and spiritually. I am learning so much about myself, my hearts desires, my treasures, my fears, and so much more.

I would like to share with you my 30th year of life. All of my experiences for the next year as I transform from newlywed Mrs to Mrs. Mommy. As I learn to be a wife and a mother, I'd like to share my process in hopes of helping myself and someone else along the way. If you're willing to read, I am willing to share. I am, as I always have been, transparent and willing to share my testimony in order to assist someone else in whatever they may be going through. I am living testimony that God hears our prayers, heals our broken hearts, and blesses beyond expectation. Let's grow and rejoice together.

I look forward to what the following year holds! Stay tuned!

Keya

Don't Be Selfish

Good morning my lovely readers,

I felt like sharing this morning, I would say on a more personal level but I am always personal so, I just want to talk to you this morning. Plus, my husband continues to remind me that it has been a while since I wrote consistently in my blog and he is always encouraging me to post.

My life, as I have told you, has made a drastic turn around. I have kept my eyes on the Lord and my trust in Him this entire process, and I have hoped to share my journey with you to allow you to witness the process and understand that you are not alone. My hope is that I have encouraged you in whatever situation you may have encountered or may be encountering to keep pressing through because it cannot stay the same if you don't allow it to. Your greater is on the other side. Don't give up!

This post is more of an enlightening revelation I have had of myself this past week. As you know, my husband and I have begun to recognize the bigger picture in all of our circumstances and situations. We have both been through some devastating situations that could have torn our hearts to pieces and caused us to harden them towards whomever else attempted to get near it. God would not allow that to happen and I am so grateful He kept my husband and I. Had He not, we would not be where we are today!

As I think about the bigger picture, I realized this week, I have only been applying it to myself and my husband and maybe some other people I love and I am close to. For a moment this week, when I received some unexpected news of my past, I completely disregarded the bigger picture and almost went into my own selfish emotions. I almost began thinking of all of the possible things that could have been going on behind my back the entire time to make such a thing regarding my past come to be today. The enemies attack was almost instant and my trust for people who appeared to be close to me or a friend of mine was about to go completely out of the door. Now I know, I cannot be naive to trust everyone I encounter but the enemies attempt at hardening my heart had arisen again. I instantly turned to God and asked Him what he would have me to do.

As I sat and thought, I realized, the bigger picture doesn't only apply to me and my loved ones but also to those who hurt me, betrayed me, and have been used by the enemy to attack me. Although their actions may not have been the best representation of Christ or any representation to that matter, God still loves them. If they have repented for their sin and truly has turned away from it, God has forgiven them and no longer has an account of what they did. They are also still privy to the  blessings of God and His plan still continues to work out in their lives just as much as it does mine.

So often, as human beings, we can be selfish when it comes to blessings and overcoming things that tried to brings us down. Especially towards the person or thing that caused us hurt. We sometimes only focus on the blessing of God for ourselves and don't really expect, or even to be honest, want the person who hurt us to receive a blessing. That's not Christlike. Jesus Christ Himself, when the people of this world had him hung on the cross and mocked him, asked God to forgive them and to have mercy on them. He did not ask for their demise. He could have been selfish and asked God to destroy them all as vindication but he didn't.

We are called to be like Christ. We must forgive just as he forgave and we must pray blessings over those who hurt us. After receiving an unexpected "update" on my past, I really had to sit and think and I realized God had a master plan for everyone that was involved in the situation I encountered, from start to finish. We don't always understand it but it's not our job to. His thoughts are higher than our thoughts and His ways are higher than our ways. God has blessed me so much in this process; spiritually, emotionally, and naturally, I cannot help but to have grown past allowing my own fleshy emotions to take over. I am happy and excited for whatever plans God may have for all of those in my life; past, present and future!

So the next time you hear some good news or get an unexpected update that you may never have imagined regarding your past, don't be selfish. Rejoice with those who rejoice. God is working in their life just as much as He is in your,s if they have gotten their hearts right with Him. He is no respecter of persons. Just because you were the one who was hurt doesn't mean that you are going to be the only one being blessed for your suffering. Once you forgive, let go. Let God work in you and praise God for working in them also. It may be easier said than done but your life will experience much more peace and joy if you do and you will be putting the enemy back into his place, which is the pit of hell!

I thank God for my past, present, and future. I thank God for the bigger picture and master plan that is created for everyone's lives. I thank God for allowing each child that belongs to Him to reach their destiny no matter what obstacles may try to get in the way. There is ALWAYS a BIGGER PICTURE and it includes everyone. Keep your head up, keep the faith, and thank God for keeping you!

Until next time..

All my love!

Hello Again: Allow Me To Re-Introduce Myself

Good day to all of my lovely readers!

It has been quite a while since I was last with you and my has so much changed! You may have noticed (or you may not) that my last name changed! Yes! I married my GREATER!! Quite the update, right? God is so faithful. All we have to do is trust His plan! Even when it is hard to see how everything will work out, keeping the faith and keeping your eyes on Him will always pay off for the very best!

Two years ago, I was in a place of despair and devastation. Today, God has shown me so much about why I had to go through what I went through. Like I've said a number of times before, we don't go through the things we go through for ourselves. There is always someone else who needs our guidance.

God is so intentional in the way He does things. To give you a little back story, I met my husband four years ago. I was dating the man who cheated on my and tore my heart to pieces. I was so in love with that guy (or at least I thought I was) that it would have never crossed my mind to have an interest in my now husband. He was also attached at the time and little did we both know, we'd both experience a heart break we'd never expect and be reunited years later to get to know one another on a completely different level than where we were when we first met. Long story short, four years later, after much prayer and some life changes, we are now connected as one and moving forward in our marriage with God at the center!

I gave that little snippet of our story to show that God always has a bigger picture that we cannot always see until we take a step back from it all and allow Him to work out his master plan! This is a shorter post today but I just want you to take the time, not to become so consumed with how much it hurts, how bad you want it to be over, how you cannot believe this has happened to you; and begin to get excited about the bigger picture God will reveal to you. Expect that which is good! Fight the thoughts of negativity and things that are not true. Philippians 4:8 is a good scripture to meditate on when the thoughts of "what's wrong with me" or "why me" begin to creep in. You are chosen for a reason and it's not a punishment! The hardest fall sets you up for the highest bounce back!

Get ready to bounce back but while you have the chance to experience the set back, pay closer attention to what is happening, how it is happening, and once you complete the process and move forward you will see the BIGGER picture! Your GREATER is coming and once it gets to you, take the time to recognize how it all worked together! Stay encouraged, keep moving forward, and get ready to see #TheBiggerPicture!

Back To The Basics of your Relationship

Greetings from way up in the sky!

I write this to you as I am mid-air, on the way back to Michigan from Nashville, TN. I spent a little over week there with my significant other as we prepare for his relocation to Michigan very soon! God has been in the blessing business lately. He has brought this wonderful man in my life who is everything I have always thought a man who says he loves me should be. I truly feel loved just as Christ loves the church. I am eternally grateful to God for bringing the real thing into my life after I was previously deceived by a counterfeit. God is continually opening doors and placing us in the right paths at the right time.

Although I am very grateful, I also want to remember where I was before, in orfer to stay. Often times we can get so caught up in the infatuation of new blessings, we tend to take our eyes off of the blesser. It's easy to get caught up in a person, place, or thing, and lose sight of the MASTER and His plan.

As I reflect on the many ways God has blessed me over the last two years, I want to remain in a place of neediness and humility. I NEED God every step of the way. Into this new chapter of my life, in my relationship, at my job, with my family, and with my friends. I don't want to become satisfied with the blessing and not continuing forth to bear more fruit with my life.

Sometimes, it's good for us to take some time out. Let God know how grateful we are of the many blessings we don't deserve. I know I don't deserve any! I fail time and time again into sin and fleshly struggles, but I'm grateful for a God who gives grace in abundance! No, I don't use it or abuse it. I'm convicted constantly of my actions that may not please God. I'm just grateful that doesn't see me like I see me. He only sees the best in me!

Taking time to be more intimate with God is a great thing to do. I mean deliberate time. Turn off the tv for a few days or maybe even the entire month! Take a break from social media, which is mostly wordly gossip anyway, and give the time you'd be spending on Facebook, Instagram, Vine, etc. and spend that time in the word or on worship or prayer. Talk to God. So often He stops hearing from us once we got what we want and the times He does hear from us is when we need to repent for a failure. God deserves more than that! He deserves to be more that a repair man or "Santa Claus" to us.  He is way too good of a God to be treated so horribly.

So, my challenge to you and to me, is to take time to get back to the basics of your relationship with God. Remember who He has been to you. Magnify Him for His greatness. Get in that place like when your heart was broken, cry out to your Daddy, feel His presence and let Him know you love Him so much and you're lost without Him. Now is the time! Your greater is here. God already had it laid out for you. Get in the place with Him to take hold of it.

Back to the basics. See you at the throne!

Victim of Emotions

I'm back again. This time on another serious note.

As you know, yesterday I wrote of reaping what you sow, making sure your heart is ready, and giving good things so that you can get good things in return. I talked about being hurt and feeling like my heart was going through reparations once again.

Today, after my emotions settled, and I was able to communicate and listen more effectively; I had the opportunity to understand what was really said and communicated to me. It was not the way I saw it and things were actually reconciled between my friend and I. Things were cleared up and now we're better than we were before.

With that being said, I was told twice today that I rely on my emotions. I react off of emotion and I react right away. And you know what, both times, they were right. A lot of us, especially women, allow our emotions to control our actions and decisions. It's something that can be very harmful and can cloud our minds, causing us to do something erratic to make ourselves feel better. That's no way to be at all. In fact, it makes me feel a little bipolar.

If only we can just stop, refrain from acting, and allow our emotions to settle before making a decision or saying words that cannot be taken back. Your emotions don't always have to be low either. You can be on high emotions and still make an irrational decision.

I am learning all of this as I go and I hope my learning can help you. My solution: keep quiet and allow my emotions to settle a couple of days before I react. I'm probably late in learning this little piece of wisdom but at least I am recognizing it and I can begin to practice now in my singleness so that I can be a master by the time marriage is mine ;). 

GREATER IS COMING and I want to make sure I'm ready to handle it properly. What are you learning now to prepare you for your future?? In all your getting, get wisdom and understanding! Proverbs 4:7 (paraphrased).

Reaping What You Sow

I come to you today, not in the happiest mood.

I just wanted to share with you, my readers, where I have found myself today in my journey from the horrific heartbreak I experienced last year.

Yes, God has been amazing in healing my emotions, giving me a new look on life, and helping me with such a wonderful new beginning. I have made wonderful new friends and have just really been enjoying my single life.

But today, I have a confession. During that time, I had also been intrigued by a young man who poured out such a beautiful love for me. He was everything that I thought I'd ever wanted, emotionally and spiritually. Not to mention he was very, very handsome. Coming out of such a major break up, I just wasn't sure how wise it was to latch on so quickly to someone new. So, I decided to keep him as my friend, sometimes pulling him closer then pushing him away due to my own unfinished process of healing and just not being sure, not to mention he lives in a whole other state.

This has gone on for about a year until about a month ago, when I felt like I was finally ready and I realized I need him. I decided to let go of all of my inhibitions and allow my heart to become involved with planning for a future with him and planned on moving to where he is. I did this only to find out it was too late. He had become emotionally involved with someone else. He no longer wants what he thought he wanted with me. I hurt him too many times with the pushing and pulling.

I can say that I am hurt by his decision to tell me this now after going on for about month, making me believe that we were going to work towards being together. It's actually an exact repeat of a heartbreak I had at 22 years old. Then, I was in a place of  being unsure and the guy wanted me. I pushed and pulled until I felt ready and he strung me along for about a month before I found out he was actually dating another woman.

I know people always say to me that I don't deserve to be hurt. I don't believe I do. I do believe that I have been reaping what I sow. What I have learned is if I am not ready, it is not fair to me to subject anyone else to my indecisiveness. I need allow God to do everything He needs to do inside my heart, mind, and emotions to make me a complete individual so that I am not a broken individual that will end up breaking someone else.

I am sharing all of this to say, sometimes, we do cause our own pain. We have to listen to God and be led by Him before putting our hearts into anything it's not ready for. We'll only end up hurting others as well as ourselves in the end. Don't sow anything unless you are ready to reap the benefits and/or the consequences of it. You get what you give. Be in a place where you can give good things. Have a complete heart so that you can reap good things. Let God be your guide.

I am continuing to pray that God help me to be wiser in the area of my heart. I continue to pray that He complete His work in me. I continue to hold on to the fact that GREATER IS COMING.

I pray you all learn from my mistakes and experiences and that God continue to comfort you with His love. I ask that you keep me in your prayers also as I once again go through the repair of my heart . It's not major but it still hurts. I also pray for his heart and his happiness.

I send my love to you.

Thank you

Keya

Where Does Your Value Come From?

October 5, 2014

I come to you writing out of a place of revelation. I must confess that I have allowed someone to come between my place of being "lonely" because I did not like the feeling. I mentioned in a previous post about "fillers" guys that I had as friends who would sort of pacify my loneliness until a new boyfriend came along. Without even realizing it, I believe I may have done this once again. Except this guy is different. I actually love him but, I just don't believe the timing is right at the moment and sometimes that can happen. I did not allow myself to complete the process of being totally man free and completely dependent on God. One month I was alone but then he came along. Realizing my mistake, I had to end what we have for the moment to allow God to finish the work.

As you all know, I am very transparent so I let you all up in my business. It's only been a few days, almost a week. I feel the pain of not being able to talk to my friend when I want to. I have cried a little here and there, asking God why can't I have everything this man is offering to me right now? Asking God why is it that I have to see it in front of me but wait? As I was praying the other night, I asked God why it's so hard for me to stay away from guys all together. Some of my friends may say, I tend to always have some guy in my life. Maybe not int he capacity of a significant other all of the time but there is always someone.

As I spoke to God to gain understanding as to why this is, God revealed to me that I look to them to show me my worth. Mmmm! I was shocked! I thought I knew my worth and I thought I looked to God for it. God showed me that I love getting the gifts, attention, flowers, etc. from guys because they make me feel valuable. I thought it was just because I enjoy gifts from anyone. Who doesn't enjoy being showered? My love language is receiving gifts. What God showed me was deeper than a "love language". He showed me that I had begun to depend on my male friend to show me my worth. To make me feel special, to affirm things in me that God wants to be the one to affirm in this season of my life. Isn't it funny how we can be in a place of desperation and look to God for all that we need then a man/woman comes along and begins to show us some attention then it's like we block God from doing what He wants to do and only allow the man to do things for us?

The bible reads in Matthew 7:11..."If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children (or loved ones or significant other), how much more will your Father who is in Heaven give good things to those who ask Him!" I believe in this season, God desires for me, and maybe you, to look to Him to fill us with everything that we need. No man on earth can heal our broken hearts or spirit of rejection. Only God can give us above all that we could ever ask or think. Only God can show us our worth and just how valuable we are!

It's time to take a look at where we are getting our value from. Man is not the only one who can make me feel special. God said I am fearfully (beautifully) and wonderfully made. He wants to spoil me to no end! So I am going to take this time to really rely on God so that I know how to place my trust and expectation completely in Him because putting it all in a man is robbing God and unfair to that man who is bound to fail.

Where does your value come from? Will you allow it to come from God from now on?

He has much GREATER for you if you just allow Him to give it to you!