Victim of Emotions

I'm back again. This time on another serious note.

As you know, yesterday I wrote of reaping what you sow, making sure your heart is ready, and giving good things so that you can get good things in return. I talked about being hurt and feeling like my heart was going through reparations once again.

Today, after my emotions settled, and I was able to communicate and listen more effectively; I had the opportunity to understand what was really said and communicated to me. It was not the way I saw it and things were actually reconciled between my friend and I. Things were cleared up and now we're better than we were before.

With that being said, I was told twice today that I rely on my emotions. I react off of emotion and I react right away. And you know what, both times, they were right. A lot of us, especially women, allow our emotions to control our actions and decisions. It's something that can be very harmful and can cloud our minds, causing us to do something erratic to make ourselves feel better. That's no way to be at all. In fact, it makes me feel a little bipolar.

If only we can just stop, refrain from acting, and allow our emotions to settle before making a decision or saying words that cannot be taken back. Your emotions don't always have to be low either. You can be on high emotions and still make an irrational decision.

I am learning all of this as I go and I hope my learning can help you. My solution: keep quiet and allow my emotions to settle a couple of days before I react. I'm probably late in learning this little piece of wisdom but at least I am recognizing it and I can begin to practice now in my singleness so that I can be a master by the time marriage is mine ;). 

GREATER IS COMING and I want to make sure I'm ready to handle it properly. What are you learning now to prepare you for your future?? In all your getting, get wisdom and understanding! Proverbs 4:7 (paraphrased).

Reaping What You Sow

I come to you today, not in the happiest mood.

I just wanted to share with you, my readers, where I have found myself today in my journey from the horrific heartbreak I experienced last year.

Yes, God has been amazing in healing my emotions, giving me a new look on life, and helping me with such a wonderful new beginning. I have made wonderful new friends and have just really been enjoying my single life.

But today, I have a confession. During that time, I had also been intrigued by a young man who poured out such a beautiful love for me. He was everything that I thought I'd ever wanted, emotionally and spiritually. Not to mention he was very, very handsome. Coming out of such a major break up, I just wasn't sure how wise it was to latch on so quickly to someone new. So, I decided to keep him as my friend, sometimes pulling him closer then pushing him away due to my own unfinished process of healing and just not being sure, not to mention he lives in a whole other state.

This has gone on for about a year until about a month ago, when I felt like I was finally ready and I realized I need him. I decided to let go of all of my inhibitions and allow my heart to become involved with planning for a future with him and planned on moving to where he is. I did this only to find out it was too late. He had become emotionally involved with someone else. He no longer wants what he thought he wanted with me. I hurt him too many times with the pushing and pulling.

I can say that I am hurt by his decision to tell me this now after going on for about month, making me believe that we were going to work towards being together. It's actually an exact repeat of a heartbreak I had at 22 years old. Then, I was in a place of  being unsure and the guy wanted me. I pushed and pulled until I felt ready and he strung me along for about a month before I found out he was actually dating another woman.

I know people always say to me that I don't deserve to be hurt. I don't believe I do. I do believe that I have been reaping what I sow. What I have learned is if I am not ready, it is not fair to me to subject anyone else to my indecisiveness. I need allow God to do everything He needs to do inside my heart, mind, and emotions to make me a complete individual so that I am not a broken individual that will end up breaking someone else.

I am sharing all of this to say, sometimes, we do cause our own pain. We have to listen to God and be led by Him before putting our hearts into anything it's not ready for. We'll only end up hurting others as well as ourselves in the end. Don't sow anything unless you are ready to reap the benefits and/or the consequences of it. You get what you give. Be in a place where you can give good things. Have a complete heart so that you can reap good things. Let God be your guide.

I am continuing to pray that God help me to be wiser in the area of my heart. I continue to pray that He complete His work in me. I continue to hold on to the fact that GREATER IS COMING.

I pray you all learn from my mistakes and experiences and that God continue to comfort you with His love. I ask that you keep me in your prayers also as I once again go through the repair of my heart . It's not major but it still hurts. I also pray for his heart and his happiness.

I send my love to you.

Thank you

Keya

Where Does Your Value Come From?

October 5, 2014

I come to you writing out of a place of revelation. I must confess that I have allowed someone to come between my place of being "lonely" because I did not like the feeling. I mentioned in a previous post about "fillers" guys that I had as friends who would sort of pacify my loneliness until a new boyfriend came along. Without even realizing it, I believe I may have done this once again. Except this guy is different. I actually love him but, I just don't believe the timing is right at the moment and sometimes that can happen. I did not allow myself to complete the process of being totally man free and completely dependent on God. One month I was alone but then he came along. Realizing my mistake, I had to end what we have for the moment to allow God to finish the work.

As you all know, I am very transparent so I let you all up in my business. It's only been a few days, almost a week. I feel the pain of not being able to talk to my friend when I want to. I have cried a little here and there, asking God why can't I have everything this man is offering to me right now? Asking God why is it that I have to see it in front of me but wait? As I was praying the other night, I asked God why it's so hard for me to stay away from guys all together. Some of my friends may say, I tend to always have some guy in my life. Maybe not int he capacity of a significant other all of the time but there is always someone.

As I spoke to God to gain understanding as to why this is, God revealed to me that I look to them to show me my worth. Mmmm! I was shocked! I thought I knew my worth and I thought I looked to God for it. God showed me that I love getting the gifts, attention, flowers, etc. from guys because they make me feel valuable. I thought it was just because I enjoy gifts from anyone. Who doesn't enjoy being showered? My love language is receiving gifts. What God showed me was deeper than a "love language". He showed me that I had begun to depend on my male friend to show me my worth. To make me feel special, to affirm things in me that God wants to be the one to affirm in this season of my life. Isn't it funny how we can be in a place of desperation and look to God for all that we need then a man/woman comes along and begins to show us some attention then it's like we block God from doing what He wants to do and only allow the man to do things for us?

The bible reads in Matthew 7:11..."If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children (or loved ones or significant other), how much more will your Father who is in Heaven give good things to those who ask Him!" I believe in this season, God desires for me, and maybe you, to look to Him to fill us with everything that we need. No man on earth can heal our broken hearts or spirit of rejection. Only God can give us above all that we could ever ask or think. Only God can show us our worth and just how valuable we are!

It's time to take a look at where we are getting our value from. Man is not the only one who can make me feel special. God said I am fearfully (beautifully) and wonderfully made. He wants to spoil me to no end! So I am going to take this time to really rely on God so that I know how to place my trust and expectation completely in Him because putting it all in a man is robbing God and unfair to that man who is bound to fail.

Where does your value come from? Will you allow it to come from God from now on?

He has much GREATER for you if you just allow Him to give it to you!

Meeting With Tony Gaskins

Hello to you!

So, it has been some time since my last written post. When life gets going, it seems we lose track of some things. This is one thing I don't want to lose track of! Plus, I was able to get some wisdom off of published author, Tony Gaskins, today and he instructed me to start writing again!

If you don't know who Tony Gaskins is, he is a very well known author and has a lot of influence on social media. A couple of popular books he has written are: "What Daddy Never Told His Little Girl" and "Mrs. Right". He also drops wise tidbits about relationships on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and YouTube. 

I had the opportunity to learn about the process of writing a book from Mr. Gaskins, up close and personal, today. He provided so much information which has motivated me to go forth and tell my story! I began working on a book at the beginning of this year. I was so excited about sharing my story that I feel so many people need to hear to know they are not alone. Today, the fire was rekindled! I am so enthused and ready to put the steps that Mr. Gaskins provided into action!

God has been doing so many amazing things over this year.  A year that the devil meant for disaster,  God has been blessing me with so many great things! If you didn't believe me when I said GREATER IS COMING, I hope you believe me now! I am being placed in so many different places that are providing so many new opportunities and it all has to do with me trusting that God had so much greater for me in the midst of my storm, heartache,  and pain! I knew it wouldn't last forever.

I am in a new, beautiful city, I have new opportunities at my job, I have made wonderful new friends, I have written and professionally recorded two songs, and I am living a full and exciting life! God loves me so much, He gave me double than what I had ever asked for! And I KNOW He will do the exact same for you! For God is no respector of persons. He does not have favorites. His grace is sufficient for ALL who love Him. As a child of God, you are privy to the same blessings I am.

So I want to tell you now as I have told you before...GREATER IS COMING! Keep following me, I will help lead you to it! Be on the lookout for my book! I have a story to tell and I know it will bless you!

Until next time. ..

Sending my love to you!

Keya

Victorious Demo

http://soundcloud.com/missvictory/keya-demo

Victorious

Hey there!

It has been some time and I feel like I am always apologizing for not writing. I just wanted to share with you all something that I have been working on. I have continued to write, just in a different form. I have been writing songs and I would like you all to check out my first Demo record called Victorious! You can check it out on Sound Cloud at soundcloud.com/missvictory. I hope to inspire you through my words once again, only this time, my words are in combination with a beat! Go now and check it out!

Worth The Wait: Waiting for Yourself

Happy Holiday to you all today! I want to take the time to say thank you to all of our soldiers who go out and risk their lives in the fight for our freedom. You efforts are not overlooked!

Today, I want to write about waiting. Waiting can be difficult at times, especially if it is something that you really want. It can be hard to be patient until you are able to have that which you have been waiting for. I want to talk about waiting for your mate, the person God has chosen specifically for you, to come into your life and connect to you in marriage.

I was talking to my godmother the other day and I explained to her this six month journey I have decided to take part in with a group of single women at my church. The journey consists of six months with Jesus and refraining from dating, talking to, texting, social media messaging, video chatting, or hanging out with men whom I am interested in or who may be interested in me. Now, to many this six month "man fast" may seem challenging, and I know I will have some tough days because I am one who likes attention and some guys know how to give me just the right kind and the right amount that I desire. So on those days that I long for the companionship of the opposite sex, I know I will have to pray hard that God help me not contact somebody to fill that void. It's a time for me to allow Jesus to fill every void that I need filled.

Anyhow, as my godmother and I spoke, she told me how excited she was that I decided to take this journey and she said to me, "You're worth the wait". Now, this has been said to me many times before but yesterday, I began to understand the statement differently. I do believe that I am worth the wait. I am confident in the fact that I am a great catch. I am a sweet, caring, loving woman. I am able to provide for myself and don't need a man to take care of me but I am willing to allow him to be a man and provide like a man should, etc. So, in my opinion, I am worth any man waiting for me.

As I began to think a little deeper into the statement, "You're worth the wait", I began to ask myself, am I worth waiting for myself? A lot of the times, we want things right now. Society is such a microwave culture. I thought more and I realized, I have never really allowed MYSELF to wait. I have never really allowed myself to wait on the Lord. That's the real "wait". I find myself marrying (not in a literal sense) every single man who may be a Christian in my head. Seeing how my first name would sound with his last name; immediately putting him in the category of potential mate. I realize when I do that, I put a certain amount of expectation on the relationship that more than likely should not be there. I have jumped the gun on more than one occasion with guys I probably should have only just be friends with in the first place. I got their feelings entangled when after a little while because of my own emotional actions, mine would disappear because it was all superficial. It was something I made up in my mind too soon because of how it made me feel at the time and I did not wait on God to unfold the relationship into it's true purpose.

It's not my job to pick the next guy I see, whom I feel as though may have the traits that I desire in a man, as my future husband. It's my job to wait on God to reveal the purpose of each relationship with anyone I encounter. I have never been without a guy in my life since I was old enough to start talking to/dating guys. The relationships were not all sexual but there was always some male companion around that I could call and talk to that could fill the void I had for the male companionship. I have never really allowed myself to wait.

Therefore, after experiencing this revelation, I have decided to really allow myself to wait on God, seek Him for all the things that he would have me to do during these next six months and ask that my thinking be transformed so that I no longer look at every single man I come in contact with as my potential husband. I want God to take the reigns and allow me to be carefree so that when it happens, it happens because God made it happen and not because Keya manipulated it in her way to happen. One of my male friends told me that it's okay to just be friends with the opposite sex and not think about anything further than that. When you come in with just one mindset, you block out so many other things. Your friend could have another friend that you are supposed to meet and maybe marry but your mind is so stuck on a relationship with the person that is supposed to be your friend, you miss out on your real blessing! That right there is some truth!

I don't want a superficial love, or something that I created. I want everything that God created! I want it to be real, pure, and free of distortion. I want it to be what God has brought together through obedience and truly trusting and relying on Him and Him alone. So, I am worth the wait, my wait. I am worth ME waiting on God to do what he needs to do in order to set me in the right place for the man that He has created specifically for me. Now the question is, are you worth your wait? The old saying goes, "Good things come to those who wait". I believe GREATER things are coming! Wait on Him!

Happy Waiting!

Keya