Reaping What You Sow

I come to you today, not in the happiest mood.

I just wanted to share with you, my readers, where I have found myself today in my journey from the horrific heartbreak I experienced last year.

Yes, God has been amazing in healing my emotions, giving me a new look on life, and helping me with such a wonderful new beginning. I have made wonderful new friends and have just really been enjoying my single life.

But today, I have a confession. During that time, I had also been intrigued by a young man who poured out such a beautiful love for me. He was everything that I thought I'd ever wanted, emotionally and spiritually. Not to mention he was very, very handsome. Coming out of such a major break up, I just wasn't sure how wise it was to latch on so quickly to someone new. So, I decided to keep him as my friend, sometimes pulling him closer then pushing him away due to my own unfinished process of healing and just not being sure, not to mention he lives in a whole other state.

This has gone on for about a year until about a month ago, when I felt like I was finally ready and I realized I need him. I decided to let go of all of my inhibitions and allow my heart to become involved with planning for a future with him and planned on moving to where he is. I did this only to find out it was too late. He had become emotionally involved with someone else. He no longer wants what he thought he wanted with me. I hurt him too many times with the pushing and pulling.

I can say that I am hurt by his decision to tell me this now after going on for about month, making me believe that we were going to work towards being together. It's actually an exact repeat of a heartbreak I had at 22 years old. Then, I was in a place of  being unsure and the guy wanted me. I pushed and pulled until I felt ready and he strung me along for about a month before I found out he was actually dating another woman.

I know people always say to me that I don't deserve to be hurt. I don't believe I do. I do believe that I have been reaping what I sow. What I have learned is if I am not ready, it is not fair to me to subject anyone else to my indecisiveness. I need allow God to do everything He needs to do inside my heart, mind, and emotions to make me a complete individual so that I am not a broken individual that will end up breaking someone else.

I am sharing all of this to say, sometimes, we do cause our own pain. We have to listen to God and be led by Him before putting our hearts into anything it's not ready for. We'll only end up hurting others as well as ourselves in the end. Don't sow anything unless you are ready to reap the benefits and/or the consequences of it. You get what you give. Be in a place where you can give good things. Have a complete heart so that you can reap good things. Let God be your guide.

I am continuing to pray that God help me to be wiser in the area of my heart. I continue to pray that He complete His work in me. I continue to hold on to the fact that GREATER IS COMING.

I pray you all learn from my mistakes and experiences and that God continue to comfort you with His love. I ask that you keep me in your prayers also as I once again go through the repair of my heart . It's not major but it still hurts. I also pray for his heart and his happiness.

I send my love to you.

Thank you

Keya