Victim of Emotions

I'm back again. This time on another serious note.

As you know, yesterday I wrote of reaping what you sow, making sure your heart is ready, and giving good things so that you can get good things in return. I talked about being hurt and feeling like my heart was going through reparations once again.

Today, after my emotions settled, and I was able to communicate and listen more effectively; I had the opportunity to understand what was really said and communicated to me. It was not the way I saw it and things were actually reconciled between my friend and I. Things were cleared up and now we're better than we were before.

With that being said, I was told twice today that I rely on my emotions. I react off of emotion and I react right away. And you know what, both times, they were right. A lot of us, especially women, allow our emotions to control our actions and decisions. It's something that can be very harmful and can cloud our minds, causing us to do something erratic to make ourselves feel better. That's no way to be at all. In fact, it makes me feel a little bipolar.

If only we can just stop, refrain from acting, and allow our emotions to settle before making a decision or saying words that cannot be taken back. Your emotions don't always have to be low either. You can be on high emotions and still make an irrational decision.

I am learning all of this as I go and I hope my learning can help you. My solution: keep quiet and allow my emotions to settle a couple of days before I react. I'm probably late in learning this little piece of wisdom but at least I am recognizing it and I can begin to practice now in my singleness so that I can be a master by the time marriage is mine ;). 

GREATER IS COMING and I want to make sure I'm ready to handle it properly. What are you learning now to prepare you for your future?? In all your getting, get wisdom and understanding! Proverbs 4:7 (paraphrased).

Reaping What You Sow

I come to you today, not in the happiest mood.

I just wanted to share with you, my readers, where I have found myself today in my journey from the horrific heartbreak I experienced last year.

Yes, God has been amazing in healing my emotions, giving me a new look on life, and helping me with such a wonderful new beginning. I have made wonderful new friends and have just really been enjoying my single life.

But today, I have a confession. During that time, I had also been intrigued by a young man who poured out such a beautiful love for me. He was everything that I thought I'd ever wanted, emotionally and spiritually. Not to mention he was very, very handsome. Coming out of such a major break up, I just wasn't sure how wise it was to latch on so quickly to someone new. So, I decided to keep him as my friend, sometimes pulling him closer then pushing him away due to my own unfinished process of healing and just not being sure, not to mention he lives in a whole other state.

This has gone on for about a year until about a month ago, when I felt like I was finally ready and I realized I need him. I decided to let go of all of my inhibitions and allow my heart to become involved with planning for a future with him and planned on moving to where he is. I did this only to find out it was too late. He had become emotionally involved with someone else. He no longer wants what he thought he wanted with me. I hurt him too many times with the pushing and pulling.

I can say that I am hurt by his decision to tell me this now after going on for about month, making me believe that we were going to work towards being together. It's actually an exact repeat of a heartbreak I had at 22 years old. Then, I was in a place of  being unsure and the guy wanted me. I pushed and pulled until I felt ready and he strung me along for about a month before I found out he was actually dating another woman.

I know people always say to me that I don't deserve to be hurt. I don't believe I do. I do believe that I have been reaping what I sow. What I have learned is if I am not ready, it is not fair to me to subject anyone else to my indecisiveness. I need allow God to do everything He needs to do inside my heart, mind, and emotions to make me a complete individual so that I am not a broken individual that will end up breaking someone else.

I am sharing all of this to say, sometimes, we do cause our own pain. We have to listen to God and be led by Him before putting our hearts into anything it's not ready for. We'll only end up hurting others as well as ourselves in the end. Don't sow anything unless you are ready to reap the benefits and/or the consequences of it. You get what you give. Be in a place where you can give good things. Have a complete heart so that you can reap good things. Let God be your guide.

I am continuing to pray that God help me to be wiser in the area of my heart. I continue to pray that He complete His work in me. I continue to hold on to the fact that GREATER IS COMING.

I pray you all learn from my mistakes and experiences and that God continue to comfort you with His love. I ask that you keep me in your prayers also as I once again go through the repair of my heart . It's not major but it still hurts. I also pray for his heart and his happiness.

I send my love to you.

Thank you

Keya

Where Does Your Value Come From?

October 5, 2014

I come to you writing out of a place of revelation. I must confess that I have allowed someone to come between my place of being "lonely" because I did not like the feeling. I mentioned in a previous post about "fillers" guys that I had as friends who would sort of pacify my loneliness until a new boyfriend came along. Without even realizing it, I believe I may have done this once again. Except this guy is different. I actually love him but, I just don't believe the timing is right at the moment and sometimes that can happen. I did not allow myself to complete the process of being totally man free and completely dependent on God. One month I was alone but then he came along. Realizing my mistake, I had to end what we have for the moment to allow God to finish the work.

As you all know, I am very transparent so I let you all up in my business. It's only been a few days, almost a week. I feel the pain of not being able to talk to my friend when I want to. I have cried a little here and there, asking God why can't I have everything this man is offering to me right now? Asking God why is it that I have to see it in front of me but wait? As I was praying the other night, I asked God why it's so hard for me to stay away from guys all together. Some of my friends may say, I tend to always have some guy in my life. Maybe not int he capacity of a significant other all of the time but there is always someone.

As I spoke to God to gain understanding as to why this is, God revealed to me that I look to them to show me my worth. Mmmm! I was shocked! I thought I knew my worth and I thought I looked to God for it. God showed me that I love getting the gifts, attention, flowers, etc. from guys because they make me feel valuable. I thought it was just because I enjoy gifts from anyone. Who doesn't enjoy being showered? My love language is receiving gifts. What God showed me was deeper than a "love language". He showed me that I had begun to depend on my male friend to show me my worth. To make me feel special, to affirm things in me that God wants to be the one to affirm in this season of my life. Isn't it funny how we can be in a place of desperation and look to God for all that we need then a man/woman comes along and begins to show us some attention then it's like we block God from doing what He wants to do and only allow the man to do things for us?

The bible reads in Matthew 7:11..."If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children (or loved ones or significant other), how much more will your Father who is in Heaven give good things to those who ask Him!" I believe in this season, God desires for me, and maybe you, to look to Him to fill us with everything that we need. No man on earth can heal our broken hearts or spirit of rejection. Only God can give us above all that we could ever ask or think. Only God can show us our worth and just how valuable we are!

It's time to take a look at where we are getting our value from. Man is not the only one who can make me feel special. God said I am fearfully (beautifully) and wonderfully made. He wants to spoil me to no end! So I am going to take this time to really rely on God so that I know how to place my trust and expectation completely in Him because putting it all in a man is robbing God and unfair to that man who is bound to fail.

Where does your value come from? Will you allow it to come from God from now on?

He has much GREATER for you if you just allow Him to give it to you!